Karma

I have often wondered what I did in my past that drew so much horrible Karma in the last few years. I mean even as a child I was picking up thro aways human and animals......raised my kids (did not torture them too much)worked rather than live on the government... (yes hooking is working too) But I have also worked my entire life (hard) because I felt that working gives you worth and makes you happy.

But tonight I have been watching a show called cyberbully...... it is exactly what I have lived thru in the last few years. Someone that hides behind the internet to destroy me.... I am so confused at what power that I have that you would want to destroy me? I mean it takes alot of work to steal passwords, forward cell phone calls and just plain be mean? I mean I accidently ran over a kitten in 1982 and I hit a squirrel on Christmas Day in 1993.... were they yours?

I have done tons to hurt myself......... I have never felt worthy of love so I sabbataged every relationship that I have ever had. I have always felt unfit as a mother because I was told that Jeremy had alcohol syndrome (even tho I only had a couple of drinks BEFORE I knew I was pregnant) He was just a premmie but doc love to fuck with your head. I have wLKED FAR AWAY FROM MY FAMILY BECAUSE OF THE PATH THAT I CHOOSE FOR MY LIFE........they have always been ashamed of me. I have tried to kill myself and even failed at that...........Now I tried to start a new life and I am so good at it... but I will never be allowed to be the NEW Carla .... I do not regret who I am, who I was, I FUCKED for money! I enjoyed it! I showed pride in it........ because it is an amazing profession. If done right, it is done with love for the human race.... Alot of people will never be touched, loved, or even feel any human touch EXCEPT from a hooker! Not to mention wives that hate sex and their husbands will leave them if they don't have a sexual outlet! Some young barbie will come in and steal their hubbys as soon as people like me are gone!

I am just saying goodbye........... not that anyone has ever really give a shit about me........ I lost everything and not one of you cared. So maybe my Karma is set for me and I am so tired of fighting to keep my head up....I even feel like shit for forcing Rick into rehab........ to be honest I dont want to be here anymore.

If I fucked you over and you have been doing this crazy shit to me... let my kids know how evil I am so they will realize why I have nothing to leave them......... Ginnie, Jeremy, Brandon, Amanda........ My grandkids....Kayla, Skylar, Ryan, Christian, Zane, Trinny,Izzy, Anabelle, Jocelyn, Logan
Many Blessings
Carla Holland