Let's Talk Love

Isn't it amazing to look in? I mean to watch others interact? All people want and crave love, but most never achieve "the one" Rick always told me that I wasn't the one......... yet soon as I laid eyes on his dirty homeless self I knew that he was the one.............But it really does take two. 3 years is enough to stop and rethink......... OOPS I stopped the flow of what is important right now..

I teach sex because I know that it regeneraates us and renews our bodies (with orgasm only) But I see couples flowing to swingers events, rolling with their backs together, or looking for "friends with benefits" because they are too gunshy to commit..........Look people if you love your mate talk to them........ but also remember to listen. It is give and take. I feel like such a hypocrite because I praise marriage so much and am single.

You know what is funny? My friends are jealous of my life because I have traveled, done things they wanted to do, meet people dream of..all of the adult stuff. BUTTTTTTTTTTTT people I sleep alone each and every night. Because I won't settle for anyone but "the one" Maybe I was totally wrong about why God made me stick with Rick thru everything..maybe he just needed help and I was suppose to be there.

I am about to have a date, can ya believe it? I mean he is gorgeous, sexy, and kind..........but I dont know how to date dammit.


Many Blessings
Carla

Karma

I have often wondered what I did in my past that drew so much horrible Karma in the last few years. I mean even as a child I was picking up thro aways human and animals......raised my kids (did not torture them too much)worked rather than live on the government... (yes hooking is working too) But I have also worked my entire life (hard) because I felt that working gives you worth and makes you happy.

But tonight I have been watching a show called cyberbully...... it is exactly what I have lived thru in the last few years. Someone that hides behind the internet to destroy me.... I am so confused at what power that I have that you would want to destroy me? I mean it takes alot of work to steal passwords, forward cell phone calls and just plain be mean? I mean I accidently ran over a kitten in 1982 and I hit a squirrel on Christmas Day in 1993.... were they yours?

I have done tons to hurt myself......... I have never felt worthy of love so I sabbataged every relationship that I have ever had. I have always felt unfit as a mother because I was told that Jeremy had alcohol syndrome (even tho I only had a couple of drinks BEFORE I knew I was pregnant) He was just a premmie but doc love to fuck with your head. I have wLKED FAR AWAY FROM MY FAMILY BECAUSE OF THE PATH THAT I CHOOSE FOR MY LIFE........they have always been ashamed of me. I have tried to kill myself and even failed at that...........Now I tried to start a new life and I am so good at it... but I will never be allowed to be the NEW Carla .... I do not regret who I am, who I was, I FUCKED for money! I enjoyed it! I showed pride in it........ because it is an amazing profession. If done right, it is done with love for the human race.... Alot of people will never be touched, loved, or even feel any human touch EXCEPT from a hooker! Not to mention wives that hate sex and their husbands will leave them if they don't have a sexual outlet! Some young barbie will come in and steal their hubbys as soon as people like me are gone!

I am just saying goodbye........... not that anyone has ever really give a shit about me........ I lost everything and not one of you cared. So maybe my Karma is set for me and I am so tired of fighting to keep my head up....I even feel like shit for forcing Rick into rehab........ to be honest I dont want to be here anymore.

If I fucked you over and you have been doing this crazy shit to me... let my kids know how evil I am so they will realize why I have nothing to leave them......... Ginnie, Jeremy, Brandon, Amanda........ My grandkids....Kayla, Skylar, Ryan, Christian, Zane, Trinny,Izzy, Anabelle, Jocelyn, Logan
Many Blessings
Carla Holland

Update

Well Rick is doing great in rehab, he will be able to go out and get a job in 28 days. YEAH!!!!! I pray he doesn't hate me for forcing the issue.... but oh well if he does.

Now as for me, my abilities are growing really strong now and even did a youtube bringing a baby bird back from near death. I do miraculous healings but no one ever pays me, isn't it funny if I escort I make great money, but if I save alife they don'even call and say thank you? I am losing the apartment Monday.... didn't make enough to pay the rent this month. I have realized one thing, if I give a healing I can take it back.... if I give an ability I can take it back..... I have been vampired too long and drained. Sitting here alone so long has done great things for me in that I study and train all the time.

Even that damned documentary I did for Allison that cost me so many hours of my precious time I got not even any footage out of. I am getting alittle hard about the human condition. I would have starved this month if it had not been for Yolanda and Danyella. But all the other girls that I have helped either stole from me, used me, tore up my home or just plain tried to destroy me.

I have developed a new healing technique using theata waves, energy work and hypnosis........ and it is awesome.

I bless those that have been good to me, Many Blessings
CArla Holland-Strange

10-20 years for Rick

Well here comes my problem, They are going after 10-20 years on Rick if he does not take the probation that is being offered to him.... He is scared that he won't be able to conform to the probation without screwing up.... I am going to ask that he be given that medication that makes you sick if you drink anything (court ordered) but I can't afford all of this. We will have probation fees, medications ,,,,, I don't know what to do. His Demons are alcohol...... his is an amazing person without it. I mean if he had cancer I would not leave him... Alcoholism is a disease too.

I catch so much hell because I keep taking him back... but I know the idiot will give his shirt to help someone and that is what I preach. He does not deserve 10-20 years because he won't let go of the damaged child that he struggles with.
I mean none of are perfect.... we evolve to perfection. I know he is a long way from perfect........ but I saw him do so much for others and that gives him redemption. I am all that he has and I will never betray him.

If I can just get the Foundation started we can get grants and more for the community..... Rick wants to teach the kids music and I want to teach them healing, animals, swimming, and spirituality. Marque will teach gymnastics, tennis, dance and theatre. I joined the Brave Heart Women and the empowerment of strong women will get me thru the hard times.

Now for the most important thing I have to do today.... I am NOT married to Richard John Digiacomo......... he thinks that since this is a common law state that it is sealed in stone and it isn't. I will not risk any of my grants or contributions getting into Rick's hands. Soon as I get the money to finish the non-profit the Directors will all be Empowered Women with no addictions.

Many Blessings
Carla

The Truth and Nothing But the Truth

Ok this is hard to talk about, but I have kept my life out there in the open and I can't stop now. Alot of this blog has been about Rick and his addiction and my belief that love should always win out and beat the "demons"......I give up. I can't do it anymore. Love isn't enough. My wedding band says Love Never Falls

On our wedding day we had stopped at a motel in Waco Tx for a rest, and at Midnight there was a pounding at the door saying that it was the cops...... and they wanted ME!!!!!! Said that I had a hot check and they were taking me in, I haven't even had a checking acct in 5 years! I figured this was a case of a stupid mistake and I told Rick to believe and it would all be ok...... as the police took me I gave Rick my last $900, the car, and all of my computers and possessions....... I had to prove to him that I trusted him and needed to lean on him for awhile. I mean he has leaned on me for 2 years. He had been sober for awhile and we were truely happy... so why not prove that I trusted him?

I guess he felt abandoned again...... went thru all of my money in 6 days and ended up in jail! I was released, but had nothing (which is what I have had since I met him)........ he got out of jail yesterday in Weatherford and could not even stay sober enough to ride a bus to Austin..... he has beat the beer but four lokos has wreaked our world. I am so sick of watching someone I love kill themselves.I have to think of me from here on out. My friend said that he was talking to Sue last night and she was begging him to go back to Vegas...you know the place that he lives on a rock, does not bathe, does not eat and no one would notice if he died?

Dear Creator allow me to let him go, make me strong enough not to care that he starves, not to think of him doing without common needs. I know in my heart that he will die and I am the only one that will mourn him.... but I have to walk away from him to save myself and my family. I feel so selfish but I am done, he is too damaged.

I feel that God put me in jail that night to stop me from ruining my life and I believe that God loves Rick, but he keeps choosing the wrong path. When I awakend I knew that if I did not change I had no chance, Rick won't realize this.

Four locko equals 5 redbulls and 4 shots of vodka for $2 it has killed four teens already. please go to youtube.com and google four lokos. I want to start a class action suit for the hell that they have put people thru. On the positive side God loves me and jail was not scary, I came out strong and sure of my ministry. We have our first meeting Sunday! Not all will be saved....but help all you can

Many Blessings

Rick........ is here

Well I havent been blogging for awhile because I have been too busy with my new practise......... things are going amazing here in Austin and I must say I am the happiest I have ever been...... and did I mention that Rick is here from Las Vegas? He looks great and I am getting him into the hypnotherapy course that I took, and the Reiki Healing (since he can already heal so well) Just goes to show that faith moves mountains.

Many Blesssings and May God Bless

Money Was NOT the Issue Lisa

the evil email that sent Rick over the edge is the issue Lisa, I still do not believe that your mother wrote that letter to him. It was pure evil and screamed an angry sibling rather than a mother that wants the BEST for her son. Do you not realize yet that Rick loves you? He got giddy one day because he talked to you on the phone and you did not yell at him. He is a GOOD man with behavioral problems that began during his childhood...... hmmmmmmmmm. All we want is him home and working with the ministry, all he wants is a relationship with his family, your mother can handle her own with her son.......... but you seem to always feel the need to step between. Your a mother right? Would you want someone to step between you and your child? even if it their sibling? I think not. She said that you had taken her control away and in that you also put her as a person that is not able to think for themselves. I do believe you love her with all of your heart, but deny your brother the same right is totally wrong. don't you believe that if your Mom was truely sick and close to death that she would need the closure with all of her children in the end times? My thick head never changes its mind, I will fight for Rick to the end....... he is sitting in jail for something he is not guilty of and you are leaving him there. All that breeds is contempt and contempt will always bear a dark heart.

rick is doing good by the way, as if you cared. gosh I hope your children never bear hate to each other. it is a horrid thing. I am going to post this to my blog so that things do not get turned around in the wording.

Many Blessings

--

Rev.Carla Holland-Strange
Earthgoddesscarla.blogspot.com
Church of the Fallen Angels

Update on Rick, Retreat and Me

Well things have been great and very sad lately, so I am still counting my Blessings that God is still doing the steering in my life, even though I do not understand most of the time.

I went to see rick the other day and he looks great...... he is still confused of why he is in jail and all the others aren't when for the First time in his life he did not commit a crime. I begged his family to help me, but as usual his sister Lisa stays in control of his mom. Still can't understand the selfishness that sprouts out of them. but it gives me a huge idea of why Rick is so screwed up. It is so much easier for a family to work things out rather than be so controling. He thinks that is all about inheritence, hell if he wanted to be evil after all of this he could tie things up for years in the courts. I would not blame him abit if he did. because even if a child is disinherited he can contest for years and tie the rest of the family up too.

I filed my non-profit today and I got a hard money guy that is getting 50% of what I need to open......... so that still leaves me with about 400K to get in donations and grants. God put this amazing place right in front of my eyes and I know that it is the home that Rick and I will grow old in. He is eligible for a PR bond in about a month, so I guess we are going to ride this out together. He knows that I am the only person that never gives up on him.........

I post this to my facebook page each time I blog so thanks to the 6000 regular readers and my 5 subscribers. I am so sorry that I don't get to post very often, but I post when I need too.

Carla Holland-Strange
702-496-3627

Keep Your fingers crossed

My group bought tickets for the Powerball tonight and if we won I would recieve $700,000.!!!!!!!

I already have it planned out on what I would spend it all on too!

$225,000 for the Westphalia Country Store ... to be used as a meeting and fellowshiping hall for my Ministry......... with meetings on Sat instead of Sunday. I mean having fun is the main part of my ministry....and also used as a rest/bar to support itself and the other projects.

$200,000 for the place in Rosebud to start a youth center... that is why the kids stay in trouble here!

$100,000 for the Cougarland Apts...... to open "Fresh Start" for my homeless friends in Vegas........ a place where the homeless have 2 months free rent to get on their feet and get a job... there are alot of factory jobs here.

$10,000 for 3 old rv's to be fixed up and used in the ministry... we got to get out there and meet people.

$2500 to get my son Jeremy out of jail and pay off his child support .... I will make him pay it all back

$3000 to get Rick out of jail..... thankful that he will stay on paper till he levels out again..... he needs to learn that his worth is not dependent on his mothers love (that just isn't going to happen)

............................................................................

God Loves us all.... and Love, Forgiveness, and Pure Acceptence is the ONLY thing that will bring you to the light.

My mother just made it out of a 0% chance of life and now she is sitting up BITCHING..... Praise God

I am posting a ton of pix on my ministry page if any of you want to see them

Time and Environment Heals

Well we have been out of Vegas for nearly a week now... and Rick is doing better each and everyday.... but we do have to get used to each other all over again.... he is someone I don't know when he is sober..... he is very kind and quiet.

I lost my house when I went to Vegas to get Rick, so we have been living in hotels... damn that is killing me. we found another house out in the country, but need $1500 to move in... I pray each day that we won't be in the hotels very long, because I can't show him structure and stability without a home.

Ricks Transitioning to Awakening

This is going to be a long one I think.... Lots more work for Rick than it was for me. He has much more past and many more demons than I ever did. I was blessed with a mother that adored us kiddos and even when we fought she was there for us.

Yesterday was a bitter sweet day, Rick has been sober 4 days and a true delight to be around.... in fact I found myself falling back in love with him watching him help an older lady get her house in order (and he did it so loveingly) But around 3pm yesterday we sat down to take a break and talk. We played around and teased each other about our wierd history........ then it all came crashing down when we began to talk about his past and his anger with his mother. All of a sudden he began to slur his words, mispronounce his words, and aggressively get angrier and angrier! Kathy is his trigger effect!!!!! OMG.... it isn't just the alcohol that I will be battleing! He literally became intoxicated! with pure hurt child and anger! The little boy that Mommy never really loved, he felt that his aunt was more the mother to him than his own mom, in fact he thinks that the perv Sue Kessler is his second Mom! This is just a replay of what I have gone thru about my father never really loving me and always putting me as far out of his life as possible! We can't run from who we are and we can't self punish because we let SOMEONE make us feel unworthy! I dealt with my father finally and forgave him.

Now the transition is painful and manic as it is, but add the little child syndrom to it too and you have a pure nightmare! When I went thru minne it was like a battle between good and evil going thru my whole self being and I had to make the choice! So does Rick......... he is meant for amazing things in the coming of the rebirth in 2012.........BUT he has to grasp it NOW!!!!!!! He needs to forget his Mom completely, or they need to forgive each other NOW, there isnt alot of time left to fix this stuff.

Reading Sylvia Brownes "End of Days" you should too

Triumph Property Management

can you all join me in at least a phone call to these people to get my purse back? I need to work so bad, Rick will be dead out in that cold soon if I can't get him off that stupid rock.

OMG No Wonder Rick Drinks

I just got off the phone with Ricks family, no wonder that he does not believe that he deserves a normal life. Before his sister even asked who I was she judged me as a weak woman that Rick latched onto to live off of. I hung up on her twice because she has no idea what horrible beliefs are pumped into someone that feels their own family does not love them. Me weak? That is a total laugh. I would fight a mountain lion for family or friends!

How can anyone get well when they have no one that believes in them? I get mad at my mom because she was too in control of my life and did not understand who I am as a person.....but she would NEVER ... never mind.

When he gets home I am going to wrap my arms around him and let him know that someone gives a damned. And you know what he loves me and Taylor. even when he knows that she is Joes.