Let's Talk Love

Isn't it amazing to look in? I mean to watch others interact? All people want and crave love, but most never achieve "the one" Rick always told me that I wasn't the one......... yet soon as I laid eyes on his dirty homeless self I knew that he was the one.............But it really does take two. 3 years is enough to stop and rethink......... OOPS I stopped the flow of what is important right now..

I teach sex because I know that it regeneraates us and renews our bodies (with orgasm only) But I see couples flowing to swingers events, rolling with their backs together, or looking for "friends with benefits" because they are too gunshy to commit..........Look people if you love your mate talk to them........ but also remember to listen. It is give and take. I feel like such a hypocrite because I praise marriage so much and am single.

You know what is funny? My friends are jealous of my life because I have traveled, done things they wanted to do, meet people dream of..all of the adult stuff. BUTTTTTTTTTTTT people I sleep alone each and every night. Because I won't settle for anyone but "the one" Maybe I was totally wrong about why God made me stick with Rick thru everything..maybe he just needed help and I was suppose to be there.

I am about to have a date, can ya believe it? I mean he is gorgeous, sexy, and kind..........but I dont know how to date dammit.


Many Blessings
Carla

Don't You just love those Epiphany Mornings (Spelt wrong I am sure)

Oh my heck....... I just love the flood of knowledge that sometimes just hits you in the face by watching a typical tv show that most take as pure entertainment. But you need to realize these messages that come thru these (nothing but entertainment venues)

I just watched Glee and saw alot of my life there. You see I was the social outcast in school...... the fat, shy, girl with bright red hair and green eyes. My social "clicks" were the other misfits that had no other place to hangout. Even though we were not that great of friends we did it to not be alone.

I saw that as different as I was I would never fit in, so I began by fighting my shyness and Boy ya see where that landed me. I can strip in front of a million people and can't sing in front of 1. See how weird is that? I hated being fat, but as a fat girl I did not have to worry about people noticing me and seeing how special I really was in my heart. I manage to fight my fat off 4 times in my lifetime and the third was with weightloss surgery........ I lost 150 pounds then gained 80 of it back! Self sabbatage again! I mean why would I want to feel good about myself and who I am? I made so many choices that everyone that I loved felt were bad choices.... so did I desearve to be thin and happy? Oh hell No...... I was nothing more than a slut stripper that had 3 kids by 2 fathers and raising them by myself. BUT if I had made different choices then....... I would not be who I am today.

And by the way I like ME!!!!! That is how I eat any and everything I want and stay a size 8......... It wasn't diet or surgery. It was finally coming to terms with myself as a human.

Mom I am sorry that your ashamed of me as your daughter because of my life in the adult field. I am sorry that I was too independent to stay right there by your side, I am sorry for everything that your angry about. BUT I don't regret a minute of my life. Every twist and turn has set me to a place where I put others BEFORE me, a place where I can fall in love with a misfit that others threw away. Where I can and will live with him in a box if it has to be that way. I know that Rick was a bad boy too..... but if I can change so very much... why can't he?

I believe in what I am doing here, I believe in all the freaks that I help, I believe that as a great Mom you will believe in me too.. after all God gave me to YOU? Because he knew that you would always love me unconditionally.

Yes I am the one that tried to integrate mainstream porn and gay porn, because I felt that human love and sex is just that HUMAN.... if God believed different we would just be androgenis ... He gave us this Earth as a playground and we turned it into a battlefield of hate. Still no regrets!

I believe that until you love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you? How do you deserve love when you haven't earned it?

People either love me or hate me........ NO middle ground and I accept that! Many Blessings and Much Love
Carla Holland-Strange

Past is Past, the Future is Not here, NOW is all we have

Thanks to the Tyra Show for reminding me about that

Well sweiing is going down but the bruises are intense

Now if your sitting on the phone at 12:25am with a man that is begging your permission to kill a woman...... wouldn't you call the police? Doesn't that make you an accessory to the fact? I mean that you would knowingly sit on a phone and listen to a woman die?

I am sitting here and brewing more and more about Sue rather than Rick, because she had no danger and she still chose, to leave unprotected. Even if she is in Vermont, you can get cops to a house in NV,

Anyone that reads my blogs know that have no fear, I will battle the devil if I feel that I am right. If my blogs re not strong enough (9000 readers a day) Then I will call the National Enquirer, My friend is a reporter with the Washington Post, My ex roommate is a reporter for the Review Journal here....... there are police photos and phone records that I am going to pull too!

I am a true believer in forgiveness, but I will NOT forget! Kathy thank you so much for your call, and remember what I said....your calling is to be here and be strong. Things truely happen for a reason, last night had to be my awakening that I can't save the world.......just parts of it. Until Rick lets go of his own demons then he will never accept the beauty of Gods love and acceptence. And as for Sue.... well we will see. My email address is earthgoddesscarla@gmail.com ... Sue called as soon as I posted the last blog, I will not accept calls from you. Rick does love to talk don't he?

I need some insights on how to become human

Ok folks I need some insights on how to be more human. You see for years I am there for anyone that ever needs me, a place to stay, a place to eat, a hug, my last dime..... and throughout the years I have lost all my possessions, thrown into jail by my friends and family, lost my pets.... but I kept on with this endless spiral of belief in these very same people. I asked a roomful of them the other night.... why i could never come first to one of them. When things are going good, they put me right out of their thoughts...... But when things are bad or confusing and they need clarity........ they run straight to Momma.

Now here is my dilema, how do I stop caring? How to do I harden my heart to not care? I mean I am totally confused. I lost my baby 2 days ago and I was still going to LA to do the Walk For Aids and could not even get a ride from one of them..... much less a sponsor! Tony has lived with me off and on since 2007 and put in $120 in all that time....... then bitched cause he had to give me a ride. I called a number of friends to be with me when I lost the baby, and only one showed up! I have been in ICU 3 times and not one time did family or friends stay at the hospital with me! I rescued over 900 dogs in 7 years and my animals went to the pound when I was drugged and thrown in jail!

What I am saying is....... no matter how it hurts.... no matter what I lose...... No matter who stabs me in the back....... I won't change. Don't ask me why I love my God so much because, he doesn't answer my prayers too often either........ but I know that he is doing this for a reason. I haven't even been able to do an appointment because I was pregnant, my parties were people just showing up and not contributing towards the cause.... Except for the wonderful bands Smiling Slut Puppies, 90 degrees, and Elliot Zabo .... Ya'll were a true blessing! I also want to thank Jeanette Johnson my ex boss for making sure that I had a roof over my head.

My prayers are for humans to learn to care again, the computers and internet have made you kind of distant and cold. Are you replacing love, and friendships with a cold computer screen?

I forgot, Drew puts me first........ he was on the streets for 2 years and homeless..... he loves me.
I love all these people and even if I never get put first for a minute, i will still love them.

Enough venting..................................Many Blessings Carla Holland-Strange

Love + Passion + Commitment = Forever

I was asked an amazing question the other day.... A guy that I WAS dating asked "Carla your the perfect wife, why not get married and just let someone take care of YOU?" You see that has always brought wonder to the people in my life.... I mean I cook amazingly, keep a gorgeous home, fantastic in the sack, put family and friends first......... Perfect Wife material. But I don't settle. You see I believe in marriage so strongly that I will never settle again.

Wanna hear a big secret? I sleep alone everynight! Yes I love having people in my home, but I don't shack up................ funny coming from a sex professional huh? I have been married before and I felt that when it fell apart I had failed....... I now know that I didn't fail the marriage did. I got married for the wrong reasons........none of them were for love. One to get out of the house, one for a man to raise my kids (thank you Robert) and the last because he made me laugh. None of these things equal FOREVER.

You asked why being a sex therapist and marriage counselor is so important to me? Because I believe in it. The family unit is the perfect creation IF maintained! I mean you get your car tuned up to last longer, then why not your marriage?

Sometimes you need to be taught to fall back in love...... and sometimes it takes an outside source! That is where I come in. I know for a fact that an amazing partner makes an amazing mate. Someone that your in awe just looking at, someone that even in sloppy pj's and toussled hair makes your heart rip out of your chest. Someone that you love to talk to, smell, taste and when you come together it isn't just amazing, it is pure beauty. The beauty that only God can create. See marriage weren't made here on Earth, they were made by God. We just took that out of his hands lately.

You see I guess that old saying, if you can't do then teach is true. I am in love, my spirit has always been in love with this person, but this Earth may not be where we are suppose to be together and I am ok with that....... I won't settle. Plus I am blessed and I have enough to keep me busy.
Carla Holland-Strange

The Day Rocks!!!!!!!

Many Blessings to alllllllllll.......... What a Blessed day that I enjoyed yesterday!! Wendy is getting me into the Prudential Real Estate School and I am pre-hired!!!!!! Joe and I had an Amazing evening, it is hard to love someone so hard and know that your not good for them.

I found out the other night that he is raising a 2yo son, and I think that he thought that the thought of a child turned me off, but it was more the burden of my carreers affecting a child that came into my heart. You See even if I quit TODAY (escorting and porn) I am still to well known to have a normal life........ So I have chosen to embrace my path. I do alot of good as an escort and adult personality..... I am there for the future Goddessess in my field to lean on, to learn from and to protect them. That is My calling .... A positive Role Model in any field is SO Important! If I am not here doing it how many of my girls would be used and abused by pimps? or Hungry? or no Shelter? Or have to give up their children becasue they don't have the self worth to understand that you can be an amazing MOM in any field as long as you can unconditionally love.

Many Blessings and Joys Today
Carla Holland-Strange

Healings and Great Gifts!!!!!!!!!

I have been blessed to see miracles in the last few weeks along with all the hardships, miracles from a girl in jail that needed to know that she deserved a second chance, to be the mother and woman she wanted to be..... miracles in seeing a scared young woman reach out to a stranger to not be alone while she was sick in the hospital...miracles in my beautiful family healing ... and hopefully soon the Unity of a complete family with my kiddos, their mates and all the grandkids loveingly becoming one family..... I am blessed in that all my children are strong individuals... and they are strong in their family convictions and beliefs.
Many Blessings


Thanks for all the Text Lisa....... reaching out is a sign of strength that only a REAL Earth Goddess can do

Children

The best love that you can give a child is the love gift of your time........ Please stop with all the toys! Afew minutes of the day stop and do a chore with them, teaching starts early. Your responsible for who that child becomes, I sit here and watch my daughter in law explain things to my grandbabies and I feel comfortable wanting to go back to Vegas... See this is the FIRST time that I actually got to know my daughter in law with a genuine heart. turns out i loved her..... Before I got here I had a message that the greatest gift that a Mother can give her son is to LOVE his wife. Just another gift that I recieved along the road.

Many Blessings
Carla Holland-Strange

Drugs and Porn

I really need to get alot off my shoulders that mean alot to me and One is drug use. Now you see I was clean 21 years from drugs till I got to Las Vegas and Porn, BUT Guess what Vegas nor Porn started it back for me! That would be a total Excuse! 80% of Adult Actors do not even use a drug alot dont drink or smoke either! They go and get blood done every month for sexually transmitted diseases, they give to charities and basically kind people.

I got on meth because I did not like what I saw in the mirror, and yes it did make me lose some weight. BUT soon as I saw my life was turning to shit I got off of it, but then NONE of my friends believed it cause I didn't do the rehab thing and have to detox......BIG Deal! I put my faith in god and was blessed enough to quit overnight! For the second time in my life! And that was with the Vampires that robbed me doing them everyday in my face. Plus I continued to go from a size 14 to an 8 without drugs and excuses!

And the one that got me started back on drugs by the way was a computer repair guy not a porn star! I know your gonna say none of them were there for me when things got rough and why do I still love them and love the industry..... Because they are TRYING to make changes! Remember the old day. These are wonderful regular people that chose a different path...... not a path of Sin just a job choice. You see people look at things wrong. When God Said not to commit Adultry it was about the heart (true love) or spirit and body are 2 seperate things..... our spirit loves and our body has sex. Sex is a much needed function for our bodies pressure vavles, without sexual release we do build up and explode.

So moral to the story is People if sex is not that great with you as a couple, get some help!!! Therapy, Sexual Surrogate, Even a hooker that you know and trust.

Now Who I am.....Damn

Have you ever heard the Song I'm a Bitch? Well I guess that fits me better than anything I am all things to all people. I have been a stripper, escort, porn actress, porn producer, wife, mother, sinner, saint, granny to 9, and now studying to be a minister and psychologist.. While Homeless!!!! I am going to try and blog this horrid mess and let you see that even out of the horror and injustices you can shine!

I have nearly died 6 times, been abused by many men, strangeled and left for dead, raped and told I would have been better off dead, sit next to a serial killer for weeks at a club and had the salvation not to be one of his victims!

I have joined every religion thinking that maybe it would make me whole, some did for a minute. I then turned on religion because I felt that it had betrayed me or rather that My God had betrayed me thru so many trials..... now I realized that the trials were just life! No more no less! I have realized that religion wasn't important to me (or I would have held onto it) My spirituality is (and I never let that go)

I have felt like shit for so long and blamed myself for my path that I chose but I would still today choose the same path...... it is what has lead me to the knowledge that I am a true gift of God (as we all Are)

You see I am one of those people that hang out with every type of person... gays, trannies, black, white, green .... Hell I had to have a shirt made for the clubs that stated "I have No Penis!!!' I have dealt with every addiction in the world and fetish for that matter, so it is impossible to shock me or even make me not understand. Ya see on my journey I have learned to never judge or condemn, but accept and love!