Don't You just love those Epiphany Mornings (Spelt wrong I am sure)

Oh my heck....... I just love the flood of knowledge that sometimes just hits you in the face by watching a typical tv show that most take as pure entertainment. But you need to realize these messages that come thru these (nothing but entertainment venues)

I just watched Glee and saw alot of my life there. You see I was the social outcast in school...... the fat, shy, girl with bright red hair and green eyes. My social "clicks" were the other misfits that had no other place to hangout. Even though we were not that great of friends we did it to not be alone.

I saw that as different as I was I would never fit in, so I began by fighting my shyness and Boy ya see where that landed me. I can strip in front of a million people and can't sing in front of 1. See how weird is that? I hated being fat, but as a fat girl I did not have to worry about people noticing me and seeing how special I really was in my heart. I manage to fight my fat off 4 times in my lifetime and the third was with weightloss surgery........ I lost 150 pounds then gained 80 of it back! Self sabbatage again! I mean why would I want to feel good about myself and who I am? I made so many choices that everyone that I loved felt were bad choices.... so did I desearve to be thin and happy? Oh hell No...... I was nothing more than a slut stripper that had 3 kids by 2 fathers and raising them by myself. BUT if I had made different choices then....... I would not be who I am today.

And by the way I like ME!!!!! That is how I eat any and everything I want and stay a size 8......... It wasn't diet or surgery. It was finally coming to terms with myself as a human.

Mom I am sorry that your ashamed of me as your daughter because of my life in the adult field. I am sorry that I was too independent to stay right there by your side, I am sorry for everything that your angry about. BUT I don't regret a minute of my life. Every twist and turn has set me to a place where I put others BEFORE me, a place where I can fall in love with a misfit that others threw away. Where I can and will live with him in a box if it has to be that way. I know that Rick was a bad boy too..... but if I can change so very much... why can't he?

I believe in what I am doing here, I believe in all the freaks that I help, I believe that as a great Mom you will believe in me too.. after all God gave me to YOU? Because he knew that you would always love me unconditionally.

Yes I am the one that tried to integrate mainstream porn and gay porn, because I felt that human love and sex is just that HUMAN.... if God believed different we would just be androgenis ... He gave us this Earth as a playground and we turned it into a battlefield of hate. Still no regrets!

I believe that until you love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you? How do you deserve love when you haven't earned it?

People either love me or hate me........ NO middle ground and I accept that! Many Blessings and Much Love
Carla Holland-Strange

Past is Past, the Future is Not here, NOW is all we have

Thanks to the Tyra Show for reminding me about that