Rick is In Jail

After I let Rick out, he went back to the drug dealers and was arrested for manufactureing and selling meth...... just because he was in the house! I have been trying to get him out, but I don't have 5 dollars much less $5000. between the hospital and running to check on rick everyday my health is running very weak. Doctor is talking bed rest and i don't see how I can do that, since I am still homeless...... how do you go from living in an 8 bedroom estate (doing wrong) to staying homeless doing right? I mean where is the incentive to do right in there? I do have 2 talk show gigs coming up and I am going to air all the dirty laundry, so that will make me feel better I am sure.

Exile Not Excile

Okkkkkkkk Everyone I can't edit the misspelling!!!! so live with it heheheheheheheeh

My Mom

 

Throwing Children to the Wolves.. long one

I haven't written in a long time because I had to cool down before I wrote anything to stay objective........ alot has gone on and none has been positive. This is 3 different stories that have merged and all are the horrble damages that adults can do to children.......and yes I even mean adult children.

First of course is Rick, the most damaged I have ever seen.... he had been doing amazing since he got here to Texas... not getting drunk, looking for work, showing compassion and love for his humankind......... then his momma struck it all down with ONE self esteem lowering email.
here is the emailed business plan that we sent to 50 people:
store, restaurant, bar, all appliances, antiques, utensils, decorations, signs, pool tables, pianos, shuffle boards, soda fountains, and assorted business office machines and security system -$200,000 giving free title to all properties.

house and 1 acre adjoining business $25,000 + $25,000 (to complete remodeling of the house) = $50,000

oil to disel conversion center and all equipment $10,000

stock, business licensing, and advertising $25,000
...................................................................................................
So For an investment of $285,000 we could start a well known and loved ESTABLISHED business in a wonderful family community and have a great starter home close to work.

I can apply for a grant of $250,000 (women and minority grant) but it will take 3 months to acquire and the business would be sold by then..... not to mention this is the beginning of the tourist and high season. The place is recently inspected and totally up to code..... ready to be opened within a week of purchase.

http://theoldstorewestphalia.com
please click on the front doors of the website to explore this wonderful business.

Rick and I have extensive entertaining abilities as well as bar and restaurant management skills. I am an amazing cook, my sister is a baker, Rick can operate and manage staff and all front house responsibilities.... including quality control, hospitality, and general day to day operations. I have owned and made successes out of talent management, and one of the most SUCCESSFUL breeding kennels in the state of Texas. ( as seen on The Today Show, Good Morning America, People Magazine, and The Cover of Life Magazine)

What we can offer back is one of 2 options..... a 30% silent partnership or a 6 month payback of $325,000.

The antiques and collectables in the property can be held as collateral in lieu of payment on this loan.



out of the 50 emails that we sent out, we recieved only one that hurt to the bone... and that was from Ricks Mom....... it talked about his frivolous, stupid plan and how she was dying and all of her money was reserved for her "wants and needs" (WELL YOU CAN TELL SHE IS NOT THINKING OF HER AFTERLIFE.... GOD ISNT FOND OF MEAN AND SELFISH) well as you can guess that threw Rick into the deepend AGAIN..... He is on meth and booze and I had to put him out on the side of the road..... great gift you gave him mom. It amazes me that these "kewl" Moms that encourage and allow their children to get High at home while growing up, (starts the process) Then later years throws the child to the wolves because THEIR GUILT OF ENABLEING kicks in. Well kathy you finally finsihed him off.
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second story: My enabling (that word is such a joke) of my son has really gotten me into a funny mess. As most of you know I will do ANYTHING for my children. Well Jeremy has gotten behind on his child support and with my mom so sick I would do anything to get him out of jail to be with her. Well I heard of this Rich guy here in town that supposidly helped the youth of our little town....... I left him a note at his house begging for help for my son....... he called and asked me to come over to talk about the loan. I don't know if it was because he knew that I was in the adult field and felt that I would understand his sickness or what, but as SOON as I got to his house and sat down to talk...... he hit me with something that shocked me to the bone. He started talking about all of these young girls that he was getting out of jail (his girlfriends) he is 71...... now that pissed me off bad enough, but these are of age girls so nothing I can do...................BUT then he started telling me about his FAVORITE girlfriend 'barbiedoll" a 13 yo child!!!!!!!! I calmly got up and left, because I didn't want him to know how angry I was! He has called me 30 times since then becasue he realized that I am a timebomb waiting to go off in this situation........ here is the text that I sent him

VegasAdultInc [7:42 P.M.]: In case you did not understand what I just said..... my EX husband Raped our 15 yo for her birthday! Then I listen to your nasty old ass talk about your 13 yo "babydoll" Is that why Penny divorced your ass? You need to google me.... I am not one of these bitches from the backwoods that would ever let someone like you dominate me. Look in the adult whos who and see the child pornography companies that I shut down!
Auto response from "mercer" [7:42 P.M.]: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here VegasAdultInc [7:42 P.M.]: got to ask does Bailey know that your such a freak?
VegasAdultInc [7:44 P.M.]: I mean...... what do you tell these people when your bailing out all of these young women? Don't tell me that they don't know that your a freak.
VegasAdultInc [7:45 P.M.]: my friends son fucked a 14 yo and he was 19 and he got a million dollar bail
VegasAdultInc [7:45 P.M.]: largest in waco
VegasAdultInc [7:45 P.M.]: bet yours is gonna be HUGEEEEEEEEE
VegasAdultInc [7:45 P.M.]: you made me more angry with all the calls
VegasAdultInc [7:46 P.M.]: dial 817-663-3405 and ask her how I feel about pedifiles
VegasAdultInc [7:50 P.M.]: All I wanted was a loan, and you put all your shit on my plate........ why? and why are you not in jail?
VegasAdultInc [7:50 P.M.]: Leave me alone and let me calm down
VegasAdultInc [7:51 P.M.]: your constant calls are keeping me fueled
VegasAdultInc [7:51 P.M.]: i kept a call log of all of your calls and all of my text.... plus the MP3 recording at your house.
VegasAdultInc [7:54 P.M.]: you know Bill Parsons? he is an ex cop/firefighter in Marlin......... ask anyone what his son just went thru for the 14 yo! He is my best friend!
VegasAdultInc [7:56 P.M.]: just leave me alone and let me calm down.......
VegasAdultInc [7:57 P.M.]: Do NOT Call me anymore! all your doing is pissing me off................ just wait and see if the cops knock on your door..................................................................................

Third story my momma....... her bowel seperated from her stomach Easter Sunday.... they gave her a 0% cahnce without surgery and a 5% chance with surgery... she is still on a resperator and still in ICU, but she is alive! My mom is a fighter and she has people sitting here praying constantly (thank god she is poor) because we are more interested in keeping her here than spending her money after she is gone. Posotive energy and love will keep you alive longer than all that money you spend to the doctors to extend your life, because in the long run the ONLY thing that will keep you alive is our God and Father an enitiy that loves all of his children, not just the ones that kiss his ass on a daily basis.

Changes and New Directions

Don't think this has been an easy trip.... i think it has been the hardest journey of my life in fact. BUT I also believe that this has been the happiest and most rewarding (even with all my whining) God knows that I hate to whine, but sometimes that is all that will relieve the pain and frustration that the universe dishes you.

My Miracle that is named Rick....... well remember that total selfish, drunk, homeless, violent, guy named Rick? I went to Vegas 3 weeks ago (without a penny to my name) got him out of jail (one of his many drunk tresspass charges) and put him on a Greyhound Bus to Texas (thanks to his AA Buddies for the Bus tickets) we rode that bus for 26 hours and he had not bathed in 2 months! What a stinky trip!!!!!! He nearly got us kicked off the bus, by smuggleing beer on board!!!!!! But we got here..... in the past few weeks I found that I was right... Rick and I were meant to be together even if it is just to help other people. We seem to bring something to the table at every stop in the road..... we saved a bunny last night.

just in this week ..... Rick is working with a great guy out of prison that has been bangin meth and told him that he is on the road to destruction (but more in a prison dumbass way) I have been working with a young mom that wants a fresh start with her kiddos and she has now been clean 3 days...... you have to realize that this is a huge feat for us since we were both druggies. I refuse to use the word addict, because I do not believe in addiction...... I believe in self destruction. People that believe in their worth as humans have no need to self destruct. and only thru love can you get that self worth back. if you get so busy helping people and loving them then you really don't have time for self destruction. I am planning on writing my doctorate on this very subject.

Well we have still been living from one motel to the next and somethimes only $1 to our name, but God Always makes sure that we have a roof and food in our belly. I don't get to blog much cause we don't have a computer.... don't get me wrong Rick wants to work. but he hasn't been able to get his birth certificate or SS Card. and I refuse to let him slip into old ways by begging... he hates me escorting too. but that is how we have to get by right now. I am exhausted all the time from working 7 days aweek, but it will all work out soon I hope.

We want an RV.... I am in such a need of a home and apparently God needs us to travel around Texas abit! I can't give up my dogs again......that would kill me. I have lost too much following Gods signs. Rick knows that I have to cook and feed people to be complete and I know that it hurts him that I can't.

We are in Waco, my mom is in the hospital for the next few days, i worried that she may die (and it would kill me........ I have lost too much time away from her this year) But I prayed last night and God reassured me that I won't be punished for the time that he made me stay away to grow up. She has test this morning so I must run.

Many Blessing to All
Carla Holland-Strange

Time and Environment Heals

Well we have been out of Vegas for nearly a week now... and Rick is doing better each and everyday.... but we do have to get used to each other all over again.... he is someone I don't know when he is sober..... he is very kind and quiet.

I lost my house when I went to Vegas to get Rick, so we have been living in hotels... damn that is killing me. we found another house out in the country, but need $1500 to move in... I pray each day that we won't be in the hotels very long, because I can't show him structure and stability without a home.

Ricks Transitioning to Awakening

This is going to be a long one I think.... Lots more work for Rick than it was for me. He has much more past and many more demons than I ever did. I was blessed with a mother that adored us kiddos and even when we fought she was there for us.

Yesterday was a bitter sweet day, Rick has been sober 4 days and a true delight to be around.... in fact I found myself falling back in love with him watching him help an older lady get her house in order (and he did it so loveingly) But around 3pm yesterday we sat down to take a break and talk. We played around and teased each other about our wierd history........ then it all came crashing down when we began to talk about his past and his anger with his mother. All of a sudden he began to slur his words, mispronounce his words, and aggressively get angrier and angrier! Kathy is his trigger effect!!!!! OMG.... it isn't just the alcohol that I will be battleing! He literally became intoxicated! with pure hurt child and anger! The little boy that Mommy never really loved, he felt that his aunt was more the mother to him than his own mom, in fact he thinks that the perv Sue Kessler is his second Mom! This is just a replay of what I have gone thru about my father never really loving me and always putting me as far out of his life as possible! We can't run from who we are and we can't self punish because we let SOMEONE make us feel unworthy! I dealt with my father finally and forgave him.

Now the transition is painful and manic as it is, but add the little child syndrom to it too and you have a pure nightmare! When I went thru minne it was like a battle between good and evil going thru my whole self being and I had to make the choice! So does Rick......... he is meant for amazing things in the coming of the rebirth in 2012.........BUT he has to grasp it NOW!!!!!!! He needs to forget his Mom completely, or they need to forgive each other NOW, there isnt alot of time left to fix this stuff.

Reading Sylvia Brownes "End of Days" you should too