My name is Carla, I have gone thru most of what you have gone thru right now............ since I recieved my calling I have lost everything... I am now homeless after living in a mansion. I watched your show this morning and I am trying to ask God for my reward.........but most times I feel beaten down.
You see I was a well known Porn Producer and Actress that woke up one day and realized that God had called me to service.... I walked away that day to serve God......but lost every material possession I owned while doing it.
since being called, I have lost even my childrens baby pictures and photo albums........ lived on a rock, in the back of a truck and even in AA meetings (when I am not a drunk) I have discovered the joy of helping people that had even less than me... being there for them when no one else would, and even forgiving those that openly attacked me. Don't think that I am looking for Sainthood, because I know that isn't me. I had the opportunity today to go back to my old life and do a video today.... and put a roof over my head. But I can't do that either. God has shown me too much of the light to go back into the dark. If you take anything at all with you from my testimony please take this one thing.......... when times look dim....when you feel totally alone....... close your eyes RAISE your face to the sun, breathe the sweet air and tell God I love you unconditionally........... like he does you. You will feel the calm, tranquil love that he has to share. You will realize that you are not alone.......... the things that make your life hard make you strong! Many Blessings Carla Holland-Strange
Friday, April 30, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Hmmmmmmm 2012
What if the prophesies of 2012 are true? I totally believe that it will be here and judgement will rain down..... it will be the rebirth of the world.
When does the crap stop?
I try so hard every single minute of my day, to be positive, to be energizing good, but it never ends.
This has been the worst year of my life and I keep saying that it is all to make me a better and stronger person......... I am calling bullshit.
In one one/half year I have lost EVERYTHING and seen evil that is laying under the layers of "normal" people.
All I have in this world is my dogs, everything else has been lost to me in this year. I have begged for help from my friends for little things.... nothing much at all...... I asked Sharon to visit Rick in jail ( a twenty minute task at best) because I did not have the money to drive there and let him know that he needed to let the cops know the Whole situation at that drug house...... Sharon of course and as usual refused one minute of help to me. Not remembering all the times I drove 2 hours to see if she had finally overdosed on her prescribed meds. she even texted me that I have a blackheart and that I needed to beg Jesus to save me.
You know what people hate about me most? I see them in the real light.... I see past all the surface glitz to the core beneath. That is why I stick by Rick so hard, I have seen him taking care of the homeless, I have him seen him beg (when he hates that) to help a friend of ours eat....... I have seen him share his homeless camp with others that he hated to keep shelter over their head during Nov. and Dec.
then on the other side what I see from the so called normal people.. is nasty, sick, and selfish at best.
The 2 women that he admires most spit on him in his need..... what a joke. I will be so glad when they get to stand in front of God during judgement..... but enough about Rick. I am learning to turn things over to God.... even when I am so pissed at him (and yes I get pissed at God)
I know that I can't take too much more.... it is suppose to be only as much as you can handle...... but I beg to differ.
My mom is doing great, I think she likes the nursing home..... I am going to do a movie night there today! We have been staying very active there. The doctors gave her no chance to live and now we are chasing her around the facility. All are saying that she is a miracle in the flesh.....that is what prayer will do for you.
This has been the worst year of my life and I keep saying that it is all to make me a better and stronger person......... I am calling bullshit.
In one one/half year I have lost EVERYTHING and seen evil that is laying under the layers of "normal" people.
All I have in this world is my dogs, everything else has been lost to me in this year. I have begged for help from my friends for little things.... nothing much at all...... I asked Sharon to visit Rick in jail ( a twenty minute task at best) because I did not have the money to drive there and let him know that he needed to let the cops know the Whole situation at that drug house...... Sharon of course and as usual refused one minute of help to me. Not remembering all the times I drove 2 hours to see if she had finally overdosed on her prescribed meds. she even texted me that I have a blackheart and that I needed to beg Jesus to save me.
You know what people hate about me most? I see them in the real light.... I see past all the surface glitz to the core beneath. That is why I stick by Rick so hard, I have seen him taking care of the homeless, I have him seen him beg (when he hates that) to help a friend of ours eat....... I have seen him share his homeless camp with others that he hated to keep shelter over their head during Nov. and Dec.
then on the other side what I see from the so called normal people.. is nasty, sick, and selfish at best.
The 2 women that he admires most spit on him in his need..... what a joke. I will be so glad when they get to stand in front of God during judgement..... but enough about Rick. I am learning to turn things over to God.... even when I am so pissed at him (and yes I get pissed at God)
I know that I can't take too much more.... it is suppose to be only as much as you can handle...... but I beg to differ.
My mom is doing great, I think she likes the nursing home..... I am going to do a movie night there today! We have been staying very active there. The doctors gave her no chance to live and now we are chasing her around the facility. All are saying that she is a miracle in the flesh.....that is what prayer will do for you.
Friday, April 23, 2010
My Pupose in Life Test
Find Your Passion and Purpose Test. Summary of Your Answers Thank you for taking this test. Now one last thing remains.
This page contains your answers to the questions along with comments. Go through everything and analyze each of your answers to enhance your self-awareness regarding your passion and purpose in life. Take notes if necessary and reflect on what you read. Your passion and purpose are not written here in a single sentence, but is captured in everything below. Only you can know what your passion is.
What are you naturally curious about?
spirituality
Comments:
Your answer to this question gives you an indication what are the different topics where your passion may lie. You may find here clues about a suitable profession for you or a field you want to work on. Often what we naturally do we enjoy the most.
What would you change about the world?
racial, sexual hate, judgemental people
Comments:
What makes you angry the most shows you in a way what you care about the most, what is close to your heart. It is unlikely that you are emotionally strongly moved by something you are not even slightly passionate about.
What would you love to do or accomplish before you die?
find my twin soul, see my grandchildren again, make peace with my father, tell everyone how much my god means to me, go on a cruise, have a home again
Comments:
The things you listed as answers not only give you an idea of your goals, but also your values - what is important to you and how you would like to live your life. See if you can spot any themes in your things to do list.
What would you do if could not fail?
spread Gods love to EVERYONE
Comments:
This question helped you to think without limitations. There is a good chance you wrote here things that you really want to do.
What would you do if you would not be limited by money?
saving doomed marriages, helping the homeless, better senior care, andmaking a garden of eden
Comments:
Similar to the last one, the question removed barriers from your thinking and brought out your inner desires. Remember that you might be able to earn money following your passion too.
What would you like to hear at your funeral?
I want to know that I touched lives and made a difference..... that I left a better place from knowing me.
Comments:
Your answer shows you what you value and how you would like to live your life, what is truly important to you.
What are the things you currently enjoy doing?
dancing, making love, laughing, amusement parks, playing with my dogs
Comments:
Very straightforward - your passion may lie in one of those activities.
What were the activities or tasks you were doing when you felt most empowered?
working........ i love to work. I love to see all that I can achieve
Comments:
When you are passionate about some project or assignment, you feel energized, you don't get tired and you feel excited. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed yourself to be. If you felt something like this when doing the tasks you listed, this might be it or at least you're close.
What would you most like to be acknowledged for so far in your life?
My children
Comments:
You only take pride in things that matter to you. The question is if these things matter you the most?
If you had only one wish, what would it be?
to be loved
Comments:
Now that you gave it some thought, try to think of at least 5 more people for whom you could make a wish, include strangers. After you've done this for a little while, see what trends you see. This will be at least very close to your purpose.
Whose life do you want to be living?
mine, but not homeless......... I love who I am
Comments:
If you did pick anyone, why did you choose these people? There is something about their achievements, lifestyle or other aspects of life that you find desirable. That's a hint.
What ideas are you most inspired by?
the end of homelessness, animal cruelty, child and elder abuse...... and religions that judge
Comments:
If there is an idea that really inspires you, that could very well be your purpose.
With whom would you like to surround myself?
free spirited, non-judgemental, people from all backgrounds and wealth
Comments:
You become who you drink coffee with. The kind of people you want to have around you tells you what kind of a person you want to be.
Do you take responsibility for what is happening to you?
No...... I feel that I was thrust into this by a divine force
Comments:
Only you can change your future and create the life you want to live, noone else. If you blame others and shift the responsibility away from you, you are looking for answers in a wrong place. If you said yes, congratulations.
Now that you have gone through this exercise, answered all the questions and read the answers once again - do you see patterns in your answers? Identify what are the common themes in your answers and you will find your passion and purpose in life.
We hope you gained new insights about yourself and we would love to know what you think.
Note: If you move away from this page, you will lose the results. You might want to copy the results and paste them to a document.
This page contains your answers to the questions along with comments. Go through everything and analyze each of your answers to enhance your self-awareness regarding your passion and purpose in life. Take notes if necessary and reflect on what you read. Your passion and purpose are not written here in a single sentence, but is captured in everything below. Only you can know what your passion is.
What are you naturally curious about?
spirituality
Comments:
Your answer to this question gives you an indication what are the different topics where your passion may lie. You may find here clues about a suitable profession for you or a field you want to work on. Often what we naturally do we enjoy the most.
What would you change about the world?
racial, sexual hate, judgemental people
Comments:
What makes you angry the most shows you in a way what you care about the most, what is close to your heart. It is unlikely that you are emotionally strongly moved by something you are not even slightly passionate about.
What would you love to do or accomplish before you die?
find my twin soul, see my grandchildren again, make peace with my father, tell everyone how much my god means to me, go on a cruise, have a home again
Comments:
The things you listed as answers not only give you an idea of your goals, but also your values - what is important to you and how you would like to live your life. See if you can spot any themes in your things to do list.
What would you do if could not fail?
spread Gods love to EVERYONE
Comments:
This question helped you to think without limitations. There is a good chance you wrote here things that you really want to do.
What would you do if you would not be limited by money?
saving doomed marriages, helping the homeless, better senior care, andmaking a garden of eden
Comments:
Similar to the last one, the question removed barriers from your thinking and brought out your inner desires. Remember that you might be able to earn money following your passion too.
What would you like to hear at your funeral?
I want to know that I touched lives and made a difference..... that I left a better place from knowing me.
Comments:
Your answer shows you what you value and how you would like to live your life, what is truly important to you.
What are the things you currently enjoy doing?
dancing, making love, laughing, amusement parks, playing with my dogs
Comments:
Very straightforward - your passion may lie in one of those activities.
What were the activities or tasks you were doing when you felt most empowered?
working........ i love to work. I love to see all that I can achieve
Comments:
When you are passionate about some project or assignment, you feel energized, you don't get tired and you feel excited. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed yourself to be. If you felt something like this when doing the tasks you listed, this might be it or at least you're close.
What would you most like to be acknowledged for so far in your life?
My children
Comments:
You only take pride in things that matter to you. The question is if these things matter you the most?
If you had only one wish, what would it be?
to be loved
Comments:
Now that you gave it some thought, try to think of at least 5 more people for whom you could make a wish, include strangers. After you've done this for a little while, see what trends you see. This will be at least very close to your purpose.
Whose life do you want to be living?
mine, but not homeless......... I love who I am
Comments:
If you did pick anyone, why did you choose these people? There is something about their achievements, lifestyle or other aspects of life that you find desirable. That's a hint.
What ideas are you most inspired by?
the end of homelessness, animal cruelty, child and elder abuse...... and religions that judge
Comments:
If there is an idea that really inspires you, that could very well be your purpose.
With whom would you like to surround myself?
free spirited, non-judgemental, people from all backgrounds and wealth
Comments:
You become who you drink coffee with. The kind of people you want to have around you tells you what kind of a person you want to be.
Do you take responsibility for what is happening to you?
No...... I feel that I was thrust into this by a divine force
Comments:
Only you can change your future and create the life you want to live, noone else. If you blame others and shift the responsibility away from you, you are looking for answers in a wrong place. If you said yes, congratulations.
Now that you have gone through this exercise, answered all the questions and read the answers once again - do you see patterns in your answers? Identify what are the common themes in your answers and you will find your passion and purpose in life.
We hope you gained new insights about yourself and we would love to know what you think.
Note: If you move away from this page, you will lose the results. You might want to copy the results and paste them to a document.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Multifaceted
I don't think many of you understand who and what I really am, you see someone in the adult business and that is pretty much all you see....... but there is so very many more facets of who I am.
I grew up in small town Mineral Wells TX as the school geek named Carla Michele Holland, My mom was a 16 single mom and my dad ran as fast as he could.... to later raise and LOVE many other kids. ..... this fueled my single parent concerns. I was red headed, freckled face and as popular as a rock.
Then I grew up into a girl that fantazied about the romantic first love, the amazing marriage......... the pureness. It does not always happen that way, I married a man 9 yo than me had 2 sons, 4 miscarriages and not one orgasm....... that last 3 years till I caught him with my best friend.
Then I started revolving around the adult world and I found my nich...... but before that I had worked as a waitress, library aide, curb and gutter, roofer and beaten wife.
I found a true calling in the adult world as a "housemother" at the clubs rather than as a dancer (though I am an excellent dancer) I was a great housemother because I truely cared about the girls....I kept them safe. I believe that is the Mother Spirit in me.
I started escorting to bring in better money to raise the kids, by then I had 3.... I never had a pimp ever!!!!!! But the girls still would call me to help them and keep them safe........ I went into great detail that no one should do this unless it was a calling a true love of what you were doing and not to support addictions or men. I then married a wonderful man that raised my children and loved them as his own.
Same with my Adult Video Carreer as a talent agent, it isn't meant for everyone. Only get into videos if you know that the future is way past tomorrow...... your film carreer will follow you!
Now I am so rapped up in God and charity that I can't even support myself financially, but without this love of God I don't think I would have been strong enough to get thru this last year! My birthday is May 2nd, and this time last year I had lost everything including my pets and was put in jail for Domestic Violence.....what a way to spend your birthday! I did not know it at that time, but that was the begining of my transition to my awakening to the pure love of Gods Spirit....... I finally have that pure love that I dreamed of as a child.
I will start my ministry even if I am broke, I will help the homeless, the hungry, the sex workers, the drug addicts, the drunks EVERY chance I get and I will do it unconditionally........ Pure love is Unconditional.
Many Blessings
Rev.Carla Holland-Strange
and proud to finally feel that I desearved that in front of my name
I grew up in small town Mineral Wells TX as the school geek named Carla Michele Holland, My mom was a 16 single mom and my dad ran as fast as he could.... to later raise and LOVE many other kids. ..... this fueled my single parent concerns. I was red headed, freckled face and as popular as a rock.
Then I grew up into a girl that fantazied about the romantic first love, the amazing marriage......... the pureness. It does not always happen that way, I married a man 9 yo than me had 2 sons, 4 miscarriages and not one orgasm....... that last 3 years till I caught him with my best friend.
Then I started revolving around the adult world and I found my nich...... but before that I had worked as a waitress, library aide, curb and gutter, roofer and beaten wife.
I found a true calling in the adult world as a "housemother" at the clubs rather than as a dancer (though I am an excellent dancer) I was a great housemother because I truely cared about the girls....I kept them safe. I believe that is the Mother Spirit in me.
I started escorting to bring in better money to raise the kids, by then I had 3.... I never had a pimp ever!!!!!! But the girls still would call me to help them and keep them safe........ I went into great detail that no one should do this unless it was a calling a true love of what you were doing and not to support addictions or men. I then married a wonderful man that raised my children and loved them as his own.
Same with my Adult Video Carreer as a talent agent, it isn't meant for everyone. Only get into videos if you know that the future is way past tomorrow...... your film carreer will follow you!
Now I am so rapped up in God and charity that I can't even support myself financially, but without this love of God I don't think I would have been strong enough to get thru this last year! My birthday is May 2nd, and this time last year I had lost everything including my pets and was put in jail for Domestic Violence.....what a way to spend your birthday! I did not know it at that time, but that was the begining of my transition to my awakening to the pure love of Gods Spirit....... I finally have that pure love that I dreamed of as a child.
I will start my ministry even if I am broke, I will help the homeless, the hungry, the sex workers, the drug addicts, the drunks EVERY chance I get and I will do it unconditionally........ Pure love is Unconditional.
Many Blessings
Rev.Carla Holland-Strange
and proud to finally feel that I desearved that in front of my name
Sunday, April 18, 2010
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