Emotional and Moral Twist

I have been in such an emotional and moral twist for so long in my life, It is crazy but I love being a slut/porn person and I know that I love MY God and I always think about and put others first in my life. You see I loved casting and I am excellent at it, but casting young people made me feel dirty! I love doing the MILFS because I felt that as women we were coming into our own skin in our sexuality, going to swingers resorts and seeing alot of loving couples they were mainly baby boomer age and they were mature enough to understand that sex and Love are not always One and the same.

As far as the escorting, I know it sounds like I am justifying, But I am NOT..... I know for a fact that I have saved alot of marriages! I want to do more on that end though! I want to teach women to make love to a mans cock and to take her own power in bed to achieve orgasms that she deserves! Nothing starts off perfect so how do you think that sex would?

Why in the Fuck do I have to give up what I love and what I am good at to achieve a moral calm? It does not define me as a person (not that little bit) I am more like an onion... many layers! I will never be just a surface person.

I have sooooo many things that I want to do, learn and teach. Since I was young everytime I had an idea a million people would try to steal it and they have, but they never keep it going because they are not me. I do things with a passion, because I love them. It would have been easy for me to get on social security when I got the Lupus Death Sentence, but I didn't. If I don't enjoy the passions that my work brings I am totally lost. You see I love what I do and who I am. I just know that I want to burst sitting here in Texas, knowing I have a bigger cause there in Vegas. I felt that I belonged and that I was loved....... I know it sounds funny since none of my friends helped me! BUT I know that I matter in their lives, I know that I want my talent to be safe, fed and roofs over their heads.

I know that I had been clean for over 20 years when I went to Vegas and it was easy to start doing drugs again (I have no idea how I quit things so easily) Except that I have a complete and utter understanding of who I am and what drives me to do the things I do. So Addiction Fears have vanquished, Now I have failure fears and never had that before in my life, I pray that it will go away soon and I can be productive again. I have alot to give and I will never understand how anyone could have done the things to me that were done. I lost all of my pets, my clothes, my belongings..... got to say it was beautifully planned. It made the movie GasLight look like a comedy........... But why? I wasn't rich I wasn't flashy. You can steal my business, home and name but it will never be yours...... because I built it with love and you stole it with hate.
Many Blessings