My Final Blog After a Year of Transitioning to an Awakening

Seem like that sounds like a great title for my book huh? A Transitioning to My Awakening? Whew it has been a long year and a hard year... but a blessed year too! Last year I asked God to finally bring my soulmate into my life, did not know that in order for him to be there I had to lose everything to gain everything!

All year long has been a financial struggle, because God for some reason decided that I wasn't to be allowed to be a hooker anymore.... a great visionary told me that he had chose a new path for me. Well that path has lead me to many things that I am not only good but great at.... cooking, cleaning, compassion, spiritual healing and self awareness! The Friday before Thanksgiving an old long term friend put me and Rick out on the streets, and kept my possessions (id and purse) We have been sleeping in the back of a truck in temps as low as 38 degrees and we have done it and survived! Now Rick has a place to go (one of his drunk friends that hates me) but he chose to stay there and take care of me...... NO ONE EVER DID THAT FOR ME

Funny thing in all of this is that I have done things for others all of my life..... including all my friends that love to hang out or crash at my house for free all the time.. those are the people that kept my rooms full but only contributed to food for me to cook..... Now I know this is gonna piss alot of people off, but I really don't care anymore. When I talked to people on the phone and they found out that I was homeless they were sooooo ready to get off the phone. Told me alot! You will give a stranger on the street all of your change and not give a shit about your friends. I don't care if this hurts my business, since I don't want to work with users anyway.

Here is the funny part, most of you know that I am a survivor and I do not stay down..... I am a weeble I wobble but don't fall down. I ran into Sassy from the Sex with Sassy Show Yesterday and they want me to do VEgas Adult Inc on alltalkradio.net She even brought us a blanket and some clothes..... so I won't stay down.

Now if there really are any true friends out there we need help! This is Christmas time and I would never leave my friends homeless, cold and hungry in the back of a truck! I will help your careers alot with my show, allowing my true friends to guest on my show all the time.....but the friends that threw me to the curb need to throw away my number.........cause I remember everything. Even if you don't have cash to spare we need stuff.... pots, pans dishes, utensils, sheets, towels, old computer ANYTHING!

My number is 702-496-3627 A young HOMELESS boy put money on my phone, funny huh? Now you know if I can turn the Evil One into an amazing guy then I might turn my fake friends into frogs! Oh and still hate Live Oak Resort and Sue Kasser, can't wait to bash them to all my radio listeners EVERY week till hell freezes Over!

Oh and Rick and I are getting Married Jan 1 2010 @ 1:01 am during the NYE Party..... because we are survivors!

I give up

I am finally to the point where I realize God has no love for me.... I have been a sucker like everyone else that believed he would be there for them. I lost the last thing that I had held onto... or rather it was jerked from me. I put all of my soul and now their gone. I won't be back on here, how can you feel positive when you lose the ones that you love.

Triumph Property Management

can you all join me in at least a phone call to these people to get my purse back? I need to work so bad, Rick will be dead out in that cold soon if I can't get him off that stupid rock.

I dont hide my drama or joys....... So Here Goes

Well everyone is driving me nuts with questions about how this all happened, so it is easier to tell all 6000 of you at one time versuses one at a time.... so here goes!

When I got back to Vegas from Texas, I litererally came back here with NOTHING just as I left (thanks to unnamed persons that I do love and forgive) My ex boss (and hero) was in town and offered me her vacation home here to stay in, but at the cost of $4000 a month, well knowing how my world is here I jumped at that because with soooooo many friends here I could easily afford that after All I had before.

But nothing at all is like it was before, I had grown a huge heart (bigger than I had before in fact) and it was my downfall. All I could think of was helping people, it was my obssession. I did clothing drives for the homeless, benefits for Aids (and you folks only donate .25 cents!) Three bands and all day and 25 cents? Letting producers that I adore come and shoot at my house for free, because I felt they would do what was right and at least offer. Taking people in that promised to pay when they got work and then they ran soon as they got a paycheck.

Now I am locked out of the house, all my possessions, my purse (with my ID and debt card) since last fri. did not want to put it on my friends to worry about on a holiday, but the little kild prankster has brought it all out. I am staying at WADES till this afternoon then I am totally homeless. I can't even get my ID to go to a brothel, because my ex boss and Triumph property management does not care.

I wanted people to see that the Adult Field was just a job and that we are all just people with families, that had normal lives outside of our jobs..... but I am wrong. The heart has left most people and they blame it on the economy, it isn't the economy because people that believe in God know that we get trials before rewards.... and how we adjust to those trials determine our rewards.
Yes I am still getting Red Rock, but that does not close till the middle of Dec. just in time for our party.

I have a little prepaid cell phone, but it runs out of minutes tomorrow. so if you need me my number is 702-496-3627 .... Do Not Believe that just cause I let you in on my temporary problems that I will stop fighting and believing........ That isn't me.
Much Love and Many Blessings
Carla Holland-Strange

Sue Kasser remember the mighty can fall, and the evil will perish...... I will survive because God watches over me....... remember my screams as I was being beaten and you sat and listened to it with sexual excitement? Judgement will come and it won't be from me........ aren't you over 60? Not long to make wrongs right.

Long Walk and Deep Thoughts... Fallen Angels

Alot has come to me lately that I am really interested in, and that is Fallen Angels. Let me do some more research on this subject and see what I can determine. I leave tomorrow for awhile (2 weeks) wish I could see the Evil One before I leave. But I am across town and Tony kept my phone, my purse is still at the house so not a penny to my name. if Wade wasn't taking care of me I would starve to death. But all will be ok. Rick if your reading this I love you, I will always be there for you, and when I give up on you it is only for overnight! I am going to a town called Beatty to work to get us back on our feet. I got Brads number again and I will get in touch with him. Don't let the sick minds of people like Sue Kasser keep you sick, Open your heart to the goodness that I see in you, let go of the past. I will go back to escorting to make it good for us, but not as a demeaning chore (I always actually loved it) Remember Sex and Love can be separate entities. Look at us......
Many Blessings
Carla Holland-Strange

My Miracle Baby

As most of you know that I got pregnant AFTER a hysterectomy, a total miracle......except like all the other cases of this happening I lost her at 5 months. But people fail to realize that me getting pregnant at all was a miracle unto itself! I am sorry that dad ran and hid his head rather than acknowledge her exsistance... it was his loss. I am having to work out the grief on this one by myself. When I was in the hospital the other night, because I was still showing and testing positive for pregnancy, but no baby was there....... it broke my heart. BUT I had to face facts, a real man is there for ALL of his children not just the ones that he chooses to love. Docs put me thru some weird treatment and now my waist is back to normal and I started back to excercise yesterday.

Don't You just love those Epiphany Mornings (Spelt wrong I am sure)

Oh my heck....... I just love the flood of knowledge that sometimes just hits you in the face by watching a typical tv show that most take as pure entertainment. But you need to realize these messages that come thru these (nothing but entertainment venues)

I just watched Glee and saw alot of my life there. You see I was the social outcast in school...... the fat, shy, girl with bright red hair and green eyes. My social "clicks" were the other misfits that had no other place to hangout. Even though we were not that great of friends we did it to not be alone.

I saw that as different as I was I would never fit in, so I began by fighting my shyness and Boy ya see where that landed me. I can strip in front of a million people and can't sing in front of 1. See how weird is that? I hated being fat, but as a fat girl I did not have to worry about people noticing me and seeing how special I really was in my heart. I manage to fight my fat off 4 times in my lifetime and the third was with weightloss surgery........ I lost 150 pounds then gained 80 of it back! Self sabbatage again! I mean why would I want to feel good about myself and who I am? I made so many choices that everyone that I loved felt were bad choices.... so did I desearve to be thin and happy? Oh hell No...... I was nothing more than a slut stripper that had 3 kids by 2 fathers and raising them by myself. BUT if I had made different choices then....... I would not be who I am today.

And by the way I like ME!!!!! That is how I eat any and everything I want and stay a size 8......... It wasn't diet or surgery. It was finally coming to terms with myself as a human.

Mom I am sorry that your ashamed of me as your daughter because of my life in the adult field. I am sorry that I was too independent to stay right there by your side, I am sorry for everything that your angry about. BUT I don't regret a minute of my life. Every twist and turn has set me to a place where I put others BEFORE me, a place where I can fall in love with a misfit that others threw away. Where I can and will live with him in a box if it has to be that way. I know that Rick was a bad boy too..... but if I can change so very much... why can't he?

I believe in what I am doing here, I believe in all the freaks that I help, I believe that as a great Mom you will believe in me too.. after all God gave me to YOU? Because he knew that you would always love me unconditionally.

Yes I am the one that tried to integrate mainstream porn and gay porn, because I felt that human love and sex is just that HUMAN.... if God believed different we would just be androgenis ... He gave us this Earth as a playground and we turned it into a battlefield of hate. Still no regrets!

I believe that until you love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you? How do you deserve love when you haven't earned it?

People either love me or hate me........ NO middle ground and I accept that! Many Blessings and Much Love
Carla Holland-Strange

Past is Past, the Future is Not here, NOW is all we have

Thanks to the Tyra Show for reminding me about that