I just got off the phone with Ricks family, no wonder that he does not believe that he deserves a normal life. Before his sister even asked who I was she judged me as a weak woman that Rick latched onto to live off of. I hung up on her twice because she has no idea what horrible beliefs are pumped into someone that feels their own family does not love them. Me weak? That is a total laugh. I would fight a mountain lion for family or friends!
How can anyone get well when they have no one that believes in them? I get mad at my mom because she was too in control of my life and did not understand who I am as a person.....but she would NEVER ... never mind.
When he gets home I am going to wrap my arms around him and let him know that someone gives a damned. And you know what he loves me and Taylor. even when he knows that she is Joes.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Thank You God for this Crappy Day
hehehehehehe We should be thankful for every single day.... be it good or be it bad. This one sucks but I thank my God for it! Rick came back last night and I wasn't going to let him in the house, he stunk from stale beer........ but it was amazing I felt his humble heart when he cried that he wanted me to help him get over his addiction. You see I know that he is a good guy, he just has a demon in him that he does not want anymore.
You see I don't believe in addictions, I believe they are a way to punish ourselves for our fears and guilts. Once you let go of your fears and guilts you can let go of your addictions. I know I have been there and done that! In my life time I spent 4 straight years on crack and quit in one day.......... Then started drinking like a sailor for 3 straight years hardcore and then have a drink not pick up another.... did meth for 4 months and quit in one day. All because I realized that I was punishing myself with these actions. I had to get down to my fears and guilts and release them to allow myself to heal. we self medicate to smother these things down and not have to face them. Get some balls and face those fears!
I stayed fat for years, BECAUSE I was terrified of being fat........once I wasn't afraid anymore the weight started falling off. I was terrified of getting old and soon as I lost that fear I started looking younger and feeling younger!
i have faith in Rick, he actually wants it this time. Even though he acts bad ass to everyone, he would never harm me (that is the gangsta thing in him I guess) So my meditations and prayers are all for him today. He turns to mush when Taylor is kicking him.... I think my fall last night scared the shit out of him. I talked him into getting to know his kiddos, I think that is his main guilt. but today is the first day of the rest of your life.
With a Humble Heart all is Possible
Many Blessings
Carla Holland-Strange
You see I don't believe in addictions, I believe they are a way to punish ourselves for our fears and guilts. Once you let go of your fears and guilts you can let go of your addictions. I know I have been there and done that! In my life time I spent 4 straight years on crack and quit in one day.......... Then started drinking like a sailor for 3 straight years hardcore and then have a drink not pick up another.... did meth for 4 months and quit in one day. All because I realized that I was punishing myself with these actions. I had to get down to my fears and guilts and release them to allow myself to heal. we self medicate to smother these things down and not have to face them. Get some balls and face those fears!
I stayed fat for years, BECAUSE I was terrified of being fat........once I wasn't afraid anymore the weight started falling off. I was terrified of getting old and soon as I lost that fear I started looking younger and feeling younger!
i have faith in Rick, he actually wants it this time. Even though he acts bad ass to everyone, he would never harm me (that is the gangsta thing in him I guess) So my meditations and prayers are all for him today. He turns to mush when Taylor is kicking him.... I think my fall last night scared the shit out of him. I talked him into getting to know his kiddos, I think that is his main guilt. but today is the first day of the rest of your life.
With a Humble Heart all is Possible
Many Blessings
Carla Holland-Strange
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Gosh I am getting Bad
Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, but I have been so busy getting ready for the new show... It starts next Monday at 7pm on adultbroadcastnetwork.com. Then I have been still looking for investors for my retreats, surrogacy programs, and real estate flipping.
Well Doc verified that I am pregnant yesterday. Which in my heart I never believed because I had a hysterectemy when I was 23! Taylor is apparently attached to my abdomen wall, They want to do an abortion but I would never do that. If I had that mentality I would not have Amanda right now..... my doctor wanted to do an abortion when I was pregnant with her and now I am still here and she is my joy. I don't like doctors they have given me a death sentence so many times, and I am still here.......... there was the pancreatitis, lupus, cancer, 2 strokes, Ludwig Angina and God has allowed me to remain on this Earth. So I guess I will do this bedrest thing as much as possible. I am eating great food, I was getting alot of excercise by swimming, and walking (still going to try alittle bit) until I start hurting again. I do my meditation and prayers 50 times aday and I stay centered.
Rick has become a problem child though. I started dating him to get over Joe and it has been a nightmare, it has been like being with Steve Murphy again except that I am a stronger woman this time and am not afraid of anything or anyone. so I am telling him today that he has to go!
Anyway we are doing a photoshoot today and I am going to post some photos of me and Taylor...She is going to be perfect I am sure of......but I need your prayers cause it does take a village to raise a child and I won't let a Doc condem her to death........soooooo pray in Gods name for my baby to get here safely........... ONLY In GODS name please. Point A to point B!
Carla Holland-Strange
Well Doc verified that I am pregnant yesterday. Which in my heart I never believed because I had a hysterectemy when I was 23! Taylor is apparently attached to my abdomen wall, They want to do an abortion but I would never do that. If I had that mentality I would not have Amanda right now..... my doctor wanted to do an abortion when I was pregnant with her and now I am still here and she is my joy. I don't like doctors they have given me a death sentence so many times, and I am still here.......... there was the pancreatitis, lupus, cancer, 2 strokes, Ludwig Angina and God has allowed me to remain on this Earth. So I guess I will do this bedrest thing as much as possible. I am eating great food, I was getting alot of excercise by swimming, and walking (still going to try alittle bit) until I start hurting again. I do my meditation and prayers 50 times aday and I stay centered.
Rick has become a problem child though. I started dating him to get over Joe and it has been a nightmare, it has been like being with Steve Murphy again except that I am a stronger woman this time and am not afraid of anything or anyone. so I am telling him today that he has to go!
Anyway we are doing a photoshoot today and I am going to post some photos of me and Taylor...She is going to be perfect I am sure of......but I need your prayers cause it does take a village to raise a child and I won't let a Doc condem her to death........soooooo pray in Gods name for my baby to get here safely........... ONLY In GODS name please. Point A to point B!
Carla Holland-Strange
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Friends Lost
I miss Thomas so bad, so a friend got me a dog yesterday............her name is Cookie. She isn't Thomas and she won't take his place, but I will love her.
I still intend to get the pups up here and finish their training as seeing eye dogs, once I get the Rancho House. I love this house and am so thankful for Jeanette, BUT Rancho is my home.
Besides my animals, I miss Rocky. Even though I feel that he betrayed me, I know that I loved him. I did not love the others, but I felt that Rocky was my gay son that I had always wanted.... not that I dont adore my straight sons. I miss Darren, my silly little fucktard. Not as a husband, but as a wonderful friend that made me laugh and enjoy my life.
MJ I think about you everyday, and I know that you are here. I think that you know what is right in your heart....and remember that God will love and forgive anything that you have done. But the best thing that you can do is show people the power of Love, Happiness and Peace.
I still intend to get the pups up here and finish their training as seeing eye dogs, once I get the Rancho House. I love this house and am so thankful for Jeanette, BUT Rancho is my home.
Besides my animals, I miss Rocky. Even though I feel that he betrayed me, I know that I loved him. I did not love the others, but I felt that Rocky was my gay son that I had always wanted.... not that I dont adore my straight sons. I miss Darren, my silly little fucktard. Not as a husband, but as a wonderful friend that made me laugh and enjoy my life.
MJ I think about you everyday, and I know that you are here. I think that you know what is right in your heart....and remember that God will love and forgive anything that you have done. But the best thing that you can do is show people the power of Love, Happiness and Peace.
Clothing Drive
I need to get stuff for these homeless that I am working with... I need clothes, household goods, toys, call me and I will pick them up....... even though I don't have a car.
Parties, Locations, Real Estate, Couples Retreats
I am still working on all of my plans............I will never let my dreams die that is for sure! Want to hear all of them? I am enjoying blogging this morning and getting alot of it out of my thoughts and down in writing.
I want to buy preforeclosures and lease option to the families that are losing them
I want to have network parties, location shoots, Spiritual Meetings
I want to start couples retreats and teach people how to fall back inlove thru sensuality
I want to get the surrogacy program off the ground to help the Desiree Alliance
You see a woman has the rights to rent her body if she chooses, and she has the right to get out of the business if she chooses! And if she needs help that is what we are here for either direction!
I want to buy preforeclosures and lease option to the families that are losing them
I want to have network parties, location shoots, Spiritual Meetings
I want to start couples retreats and teach people how to fall back inlove thru sensuality
I want to get the surrogacy program off the ground to help the Desiree Alliance
You see a woman has the rights to rent her body if she chooses, and she has the right to get out of the business if she chooses! And if she needs help that is what we are here for either direction!
Gay Marrigages
How wonderful that Vegas is recognizing Gay Unions (marriages to me) I want to perform commitment ceremonies I think....... I never believed that anyone should be denied the right to commit to the one they love. I mean if you think about it spirits are said to not have a true sex. So why is it unthinkable that true Soul Mates can not have been put in the same sex bodies here? And by the way God does not make mistakes.
Carla Holland-Strange
Carla Holland-Strange
Long Time
Well it has been awhile since I blogged and to be honest alot has kept me from it. This amazing spirituality that has bloomed in me has been truely hard lately. I know that I have a path... it is just so hard to know if I am doing it right or not.
I took in 3 homeless people this week... I figured that if I was going to talk the talk I should walk the walk.............and I know that your going to say that I am crazy after the hell that I went thru earlier this year with my roommates that took everything that I owned. But as I told Darren one day if I stop helping people then they have won the battle. (they as in the demons) Those are the inner spirits that want you to believe evil in everything.
But anyway..... here goes what has been going on. I met Rick at the bus stop where he was out begging. I gave him $2 knowing that he would buy beer with it.... but was amazed that he bought the beer for a homeless friend with severe DT's...... How amazing is that? Well instead of getting on the bus and going to the Strat for breakfast I decided to go meet these people. I was entralled with their wanting to hear what I had to say about my love for my God.... now to be honest I saw a couple giggle about me being an escort/sex surrogate/minister.........Hell I would giggle over that one. I invited them home for a BBQ (after all I am famous for my parties) I brought them home, got them showered, clothes washed and fed. They filled my heart with the knowledge that I made the right choice and did not go with my fears. Ruth got a job yesterday (she is my heart) Ruth is a 50something true goddess that fell on hard times but never lost her amazing grace. Doug is her BF and he has an interview today and I think he will be working tomorrow.... he is my hardcase in that he does not want to not drink........ then there is Rick I adore him..........but his demons are beating him unmercifully. You see he does not have to be homeless, he is doing it to self punish. But in the end I see them transforming everyday.
I know that it isn't an overnight thing, my transformation is going on a year now..... but it is hard for me sometimes... I feel that I never get a day to just be me and have fun without trying to fix someone.........now I shouldn't bitch my blessings are many!
I took in 3 homeless people this week... I figured that if I was going to talk the talk I should walk the walk.............and I know that your going to say that I am crazy after the hell that I went thru earlier this year with my roommates that took everything that I owned. But as I told Darren one day if I stop helping people then they have won the battle. (they as in the demons) Those are the inner spirits that want you to believe evil in everything.
But anyway..... here goes what has been going on. I met Rick at the bus stop where he was out begging. I gave him $2 knowing that he would buy beer with it.... but was amazed that he bought the beer for a homeless friend with severe DT's...... How amazing is that? Well instead of getting on the bus and going to the Strat for breakfast I decided to go meet these people. I was entralled with their wanting to hear what I had to say about my love for my God.... now to be honest I saw a couple giggle about me being an escort/sex surrogate/minister.........Hell I would giggle over that one. I invited them home for a BBQ (after all I am famous for my parties) I brought them home, got them showered, clothes washed and fed. They filled my heart with the knowledge that I made the right choice and did not go with my fears. Ruth got a job yesterday (she is my heart) Ruth is a 50something true goddess that fell on hard times but never lost her amazing grace. Doug is her BF and he has an interview today and I think he will be working tomorrow.... he is my hardcase in that he does not want to not drink........ then there is Rick I adore him..........but his demons are beating him unmercifully. You see he does not have to be homeless, he is doing it to self punish. But in the end I see them transforming everyday.
I know that it isn't an overnight thing, my transformation is going on a year now..... but it is hard for me sometimes... I feel that I never get a day to just be me and have fun without trying to fix someone.........now I shouldn't bitch my blessings are many!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
LiveOakResortTexas.com
my new site LiveOakResortTexas.com will Launch Today of course the site is for sale, so if anyone is interested in buying the site.... we can get that done as soon as possible! It can Quickly be transferred!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Special Knowledges and Sensing
Many Blessings and Good Morning
I tried to write this last night, but my little computer fairey just woould not let it go thru.....guess it wasn't the right time for it.
As most of you know, I get alot of visions since I nearly died in Dec, in fact on Dec 24th 2008 I did die for a couple of minutes. Well One of the Visions that I have is that Michael Jackson is NOT dead, I think that the world got too much for him and he felt that he was better to his kids to not be here. Well the reason this is so wierd to me is that I am not a fan, nor do I get star struck, been around alot of stars in my business. I believe that he was railroaded with the child molesting thing... special wierd people with abilities are strange, but NEVER harm a child. It just is not in us.
Now there is one thing if you just want to checkout, but another if someone else is getting hurt thru this, that Doctor tho he should never enabled the drugs, did not kill anyone. So Michael comeout from "under ground" and take responsibility. I knew I was right when your best friends did not attend your memorial. Sometimes you trust your friends with knowledges more than your family..... I know other things that I won't put in here.... but it is more proof that I know what I am talking about.
and No Mom and Kaye this still won't let you put me away for being a nut..hehehehehehehehe! I am still taking care of myself, working, keeping my weight off, praying everyday, escorting, but staying true to my God and knowledge that he loves me...... no matter how I earn my living. Because in A Course in Miracles I learned, our Bodies are Temporary Our Souls and Spirits forever
I tried to write this last night, but my little computer fairey just woould not let it go thru.....guess it wasn't the right time for it.
As most of you know, I get alot of visions since I nearly died in Dec, in fact on Dec 24th 2008 I did die for a couple of minutes. Well One of the Visions that I have is that Michael Jackson is NOT dead, I think that the world got too much for him and he felt that he was better to his kids to not be here. Well the reason this is so wierd to me is that I am not a fan, nor do I get star struck, been around alot of stars in my business. I believe that he was railroaded with the child molesting thing... special wierd people with abilities are strange, but NEVER harm a child. It just is not in us.
Now there is one thing if you just want to checkout, but another if someone else is getting hurt thru this, that Doctor tho he should never enabled the drugs, did not kill anyone. So Michael comeout from "under ground" and take responsibility. I knew I was right when your best friends did not attend your memorial. Sometimes you trust your friends with knowledges more than your family..... I know other things that I won't put in here.... but it is more proof that I know what I am talking about.
and No Mom and Kaye this still won't let you put me away for being a nut..hehehehehehehehe! I am still taking care of myself, working, keeping my weight off, praying everyday, escorting, but staying true to my God and knowledge that he loves me...... no matter how I earn my living. Because in A Course in Miracles I learned, our Bodies are Temporary Our Souls and Spirits forever
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