Changes and New Directions

Don't think this has been an easy trip.... i think it has been the hardest journey of my life in fact. BUT I also believe that this has been the happiest and most rewarding (even with all my whining) God knows that I hate to whine, but sometimes that is all that will relieve the pain and frustration that the universe dishes you.

My Miracle that is named Rick....... well remember that total selfish, drunk, homeless, violent, guy named Rick? I went to Vegas 3 weeks ago (without a penny to my name) got him out of jail (one of his many drunk tresspass charges) and put him on a Greyhound Bus to Texas (thanks to his AA Buddies for the Bus tickets) we rode that bus for 26 hours and he had not bathed in 2 months! What a stinky trip!!!!!! He nearly got us kicked off the bus, by smuggleing beer on board!!!!!! But we got here..... in the past few weeks I found that I was right... Rick and I were meant to be together even if it is just to help other people. We seem to bring something to the table at every stop in the road..... we saved a bunny last night.

just in this week ..... Rick is working with a great guy out of prison that has been bangin meth and told him that he is on the road to destruction (but more in a prison dumbass way) I have been working with a young mom that wants a fresh start with her kiddos and she has now been clean 3 days...... you have to realize that this is a huge feat for us since we were both druggies. I refuse to use the word addict, because I do not believe in addiction...... I believe in self destruction. People that believe in their worth as humans have no need to self destruct. and only thru love can you get that self worth back. if you get so busy helping people and loving them then you really don't have time for self destruction. I am planning on writing my doctorate on this very subject.

Well we have still been living from one motel to the next and somethimes only $1 to our name, but God Always makes sure that we have a roof and food in our belly. I don't get to blog much cause we don't have a computer.... don't get me wrong Rick wants to work. but he hasn't been able to get his birth certificate or SS Card. and I refuse to let him slip into old ways by begging... he hates me escorting too. but that is how we have to get by right now. I am exhausted all the time from working 7 days aweek, but it will all work out soon I hope.

We want an RV.... I am in such a need of a home and apparently God needs us to travel around Texas abit! I can't give up my dogs again......that would kill me. I have lost too much following Gods signs. Rick knows that I have to cook and feed people to be complete and I know that it hurts him that I can't.

We are in Waco, my mom is in the hospital for the next few days, i worried that she may die (and it would kill me........ I have lost too much time away from her this year) But I prayed last night and God reassured me that I won't be punished for the time that he made me stay away to grow up. She has test this morning so I must run.

Many Blessing to All
Carla Holland-Strange

Time and Environment Heals

Well we have been out of Vegas for nearly a week now... and Rick is doing better each and everyday.... but we do have to get used to each other all over again.... he is someone I don't know when he is sober..... he is very kind and quiet.

I lost my house when I went to Vegas to get Rick, so we have been living in hotels... damn that is killing me. we found another house out in the country, but need $1500 to move in... I pray each day that we won't be in the hotels very long, because I can't show him structure and stability without a home.

Ricks Transitioning to Awakening

This is going to be a long one I think.... Lots more work for Rick than it was for me. He has much more past and many more demons than I ever did. I was blessed with a mother that adored us kiddos and even when we fought she was there for us.

Yesterday was a bitter sweet day, Rick has been sober 4 days and a true delight to be around.... in fact I found myself falling back in love with him watching him help an older lady get her house in order (and he did it so loveingly) But around 3pm yesterday we sat down to take a break and talk. We played around and teased each other about our wierd history........ then it all came crashing down when we began to talk about his past and his anger with his mother. All of a sudden he began to slur his words, mispronounce his words, and aggressively get angrier and angrier! Kathy is his trigger effect!!!!! OMG.... it isn't just the alcohol that I will be battleing! He literally became intoxicated! with pure hurt child and anger! The little boy that Mommy never really loved, he felt that his aunt was more the mother to him than his own mom, in fact he thinks that the perv Sue Kessler is his second Mom! This is just a replay of what I have gone thru about my father never really loving me and always putting me as far out of his life as possible! We can't run from who we are and we can't self punish because we let SOMEONE make us feel unworthy! I dealt with my father finally and forgave him.

Now the transition is painful and manic as it is, but add the little child syndrom to it too and you have a pure nightmare! When I went thru minne it was like a battle between good and evil going thru my whole self being and I had to make the choice! So does Rick......... he is meant for amazing things in the coming of the rebirth in 2012.........BUT he has to grasp it NOW!!!!!!! He needs to forget his Mom completely, or they need to forgive each other NOW, there isnt alot of time left to fix this stuff.

Reading Sylvia Brownes "End of Days" you should too

Hitchhiking Back to Texas

Well I contacted everyone today, trying to get help to getr Rick out of jail and us back to Texas and as usual no one came thru..... So I am going to have to hitch hike back to Texas this afternoon and try to do all of this long distance. I am really not up to all of this, but I know that I will fail Rick and myself if I stay here in Las Vegas, there is a horrid energy here.
guess I will leave my bags here so that I don't have to try and carry them. God please don't let my mom know I am doing this, she will worry herself sick and I don't need an added burden of that too.

Found Rick

Wow, what a journey.... I am sitting happily in Texas one day and in Vegas searching for Rick within 2 days. His friend called and told me that he caught Rick with a syringe and he had beat him up. well it took me 2 days and walked about 15 miles, but I found Rick, he was skinny, dirty, and his face was all tore up. I spent the morning with him trying to get him to g into the hospital before I took him back to Texas and of course he refused......... then that bitch Sue sent him money for more booze, so I walked away! I then went home and begged God for an intervention... guess what? I got it!!!!!!! Rick got arrested......... YEAAAAAAAAAAA.

Now I have to figure out how to get out of here when he is released (and detoxed) I am so broke since I got here.... not one bit of work. I am hanging on by a thread, but I won't leave him behind. My investor is coming to Texas March 21, to look at the ranch that I am trying to buy for the retreat... I rented the house across the street from it so Rick and I can get some practical training from the owner before we (hopefully) take over. I know that once I get him out of this hell on Earth that he will be fine..... in fact I am taking an AA speaker back with us too that will be there for Ricks recovery.

Now I know alot of you don't understand why I never give up on Rick, it is simple..... God never gave up on me and he sent me to Rick. I follow my signs as most of you know..... I know for a fact that Rick is my soul twin, that we have a huge mission ahead of us, and many blessings will come this year. My visions and prayers are always answered..... it would be nice if our families had helped us... but we are strong and will survive no matter what.

I have not told Rick about my little secret yet, he just thinks that I am gaining weight, even though I have lost 6 pounds since I have been here.

Well people pray that my check gets here soon, so I can get us back to Texas before he gets drunk again.......... Much Love and Many Blessings

And Sue Kessler do not call my phone again...... I know that you want Rick to self destruct.... but I am alot more healthy spiritual energy than you.