I picked Rick up at the bus station and I am appauld.... I have never seen him so bad. He looks so old I did not recognize him and he stunk so bad that I nearly threw up......... so pathetic. He was doing so well before I went to jail.. This is a test of my faith because as much as I love God, why is he putting Rick thru all of this? How can you punish your child with such a vengence as God has punished him? Or does Ricks guilts and fears draw this negative energy to him?
I will keep practising unconditional love...... but it is hard. I have met an amazing man that fits into a spiritual world and carries no negative baggage.... and he adores me........... but how can I walk away from Rick when he is sooo fragile?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
To Ricks Family
I know that you all read my blog for some odd reason, but I need to let you all know that though Rick and I have issues I can't leave him out in the cold alone and starving except for his booze........ I sent him a bus ticket and he will be here in Austin at 10:30 am today....... I am then putting him in a rehab this afternoon for 6months. He really does need more support than just from me. He is a good guy with an amazing heart.... that is why I can't throw him to the wolves on the streets. If he had not been spoiled as a child and a young man, he may have been able to make it.
If you can't love him please at least pray for him, because we pray for you all each and everyday.......... even when he is drunk. God loves Sinners
If you can't love him please at least pray for him, because we pray for you all each and everyday.......... even when he is drunk. God loves Sinners
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Hippie Church
Well today was a blessing, we went to Hippie Church today and had a total BLAST!!!!! The spirit was so filled that my son was crying (it was his 31st birthday today) there was lots of people there and good food and dancing! Then we followed it up with a spirtualist meeting here at my house. All in all a great day!
I am still battling my feelings that I have abandoned Rick, but he won't seem to give up. He is hitchhiking here to prove that he loves me..... He was actually at a truckers church when he called me today. I pray for him constantly.. but the ball is in his field now.
I am still battling my feelings that I have abandoned Rick, but he won't seem to give up. He is hitchhiking here to prove that he loves me..... He was actually at a truckers church when he called me today. I pray for him constantly.. but the ball is in his field now.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
The Truth and Nothing But the Truth
Ok this is hard to talk about, but I have kept my life out there in the open and I can't stop now. Alot of this blog has been about Rick and his addiction and my belief that love should always win out and beat the "demons"......I give up. I can't do it anymore. Love isn't enough. My wedding band says Love Never Falls
On our wedding day we had stopped at a motel in Waco Tx for a rest, and at Midnight there was a pounding at the door saying that it was the cops...... and they wanted ME!!!!!! Said that I had a hot check and they were taking me in, I haven't even had a checking acct in 5 years! I figured this was a case of a stupid mistake and I told Rick to believe and it would all be ok...... as the police took me I gave Rick my last $900, the car, and all of my computers and possessions....... I had to prove to him that I trusted him and needed to lean on him for awhile. I mean he has leaned on me for 2 years. He had been sober for awhile and we were truely happy... so why not prove that I trusted him?
I guess he felt abandoned again...... went thru all of my money in 6 days and ended up in jail! I was released, but had nothing (which is what I have had since I met him)........ he got out of jail yesterday in Weatherford and could not even stay sober enough to ride a bus to Austin..... he has beat the beer but four lokos has wreaked our world. I am so sick of watching someone I love kill themselves.I have to think of me from here on out. My friend said that he was talking to Sue last night and she was begging him to go back to Vegas...you know the place that he lives on a rock, does not bathe, does not eat and no one would notice if he died?
Dear Creator allow me to let him go, make me strong enough not to care that he starves, not to think of him doing without common needs. I know in my heart that he will die and I am the only one that will mourn him.... but I have to walk away from him to save myself and my family. I feel so selfish but I am done, he is too damaged.
I feel that God put me in jail that night to stop me from ruining my life and I believe that God loves Rick, but he keeps choosing the wrong path. When I awakend I knew that if I did not change I had no chance, Rick won't realize this.
Four locko equals 5 redbulls and 4 shots of vodka for $2 it has killed four teens already. please go to youtube.com and google four lokos. I want to start a class action suit for the hell that they have put people thru. On the positive side God loves me and jail was not scary, I came out strong and sure of my ministry. We have our first meeting Sunday! Not all will be saved....but help all you can
Many Blessings
On our wedding day we had stopped at a motel in Waco Tx for a rest, and at Midnight there was a pounding at the door saying that it was the cops...... and they wanted ME!!!!!! Said that I had a hot check and they were taking me in, I haven't even had a checking acct in 5 years! I figured this was a case of a stupid mistake and I told Rick to believe and it would all be ok...... as the police took me I gave Rick my last $900, the car, and all of my computers and possessions....... I had to prove to him that I trusted him and needed to lean on him for awhile. I mean he has leaned on me for 2 years. He had been sober for awhile and we were truely happy... so why not prove that I trusted him?
I guess he felt abandoned again...... went thru all of my money in 6 days and ended up in jail! I was released, but had nothing (which is what I have had since I met him)........ he got out of jail yesterday in Weatherford and could not even stay sober enough to ride a bus to Austin..... he has beat the beer but four lokos has wreaked our world. I am so sick of watching someone I love kill themselves.I have to think of me from here on out. My friend said that he was talking to Sue last night and she was begging him to go back to Vegas...you know the place that he lives on a rock, does not bathe, does not eat and no one would notice if he died?
Dear Creator allow me to let him go, make me strong enough not to care that he starves, not to think of him doing without common needs. I know in my heart that he will die and I am the only one that will mourn him.... but I have to walk away from him to save myself and my family. I feel so selfish but I am done, he is too damaged.
I feel that God put me in jail that night to stop me from ruining my life and I believe that God loves Rick, but he keeps choosing the wrong path. When I awakend I knew that if I did not change I had no chance, Rick won't realize this.
Four locko equals 5 redbulls and 4 shots of vodka for $2 it has killed four teens already. please go to youtube.com and google four lokos. I want to start a class action suit for the hell that they have put people thru. On the positive side God loves me and jail was not scary, I came out strong and sure of my ministry. We have our first meeting Sunday! Not all will be saved....but help all you can
Many Blessings
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