The End

this will be my final post......... it has been a long 2 years and we are going to publish this as a guide for transition. May God Bless and realize transition hurts like hell.......... but it makes you stronger

Carla Holland-Strange

Struggles, Pain, Transitions

After the last 2 years I am still amazed that I have not committed haricari.. it has been so hard. Thru transition I have learned that I could love people that did not deserve my love, I could trust people that were not trustworthy, I could be betrayed over and over and still not lose faith.

Crazy as it sounds....... I love unconditionaly.

I will never give up on Rick, but he beat me bad again 3 days ago and I never want to be with him as a mate again. He will do 6 months in rehab or go back on the streets.......... it is not my issue.

Bree and I have actually done 6 healings this week that the doctors of our clients are calling us to see what we did to heal their patients........ see if your sick you have to want to be healed...... not use it as an excuse.

I was called this morning to do a healing in India (that is soooooo amazing) we have to wait for my new passport.

Oh My God

I picked Rick up at the bus station and I am appauld.... I have never seen him so bad. He looks so old I did not recognize him and he stunk so bad that I nearly threw up......... so pathetic. He was doing so well before I went to jail.. This is a test of my faith because as much as I love God, why is he putting Rick thru all of this? How can you punish your child with such a vengence as God has punished him? Or does Ricks guilts and fears draw this negative energy to him?

I will keep practising unconditional love...... but it is hard. I have met an amazing man that fits into a spiritual world and carries no negative baggage.... and he adores me........... but how can I walk away from Rick when he is sooo fragile?

To Ricks Family

I know that you all read my blog for some odd reason, but I need to let you all know that though Rick and I have issues I can't leave him out in the cold alone and starving except for his booze........ I sent him a bus ticket and he will be here in Austin at 10:30 am today....... I am then putting him in a rehab this afternoon for 6months. He really does need more support than just from me. He is a good guy with an amazing heart.... that is why I can't throw him to the wolves on the streets. If he had not been spoiled as a child and a young man, he may have been able to make it.

If you can't love him please at least pray for him, because we pray for you all each and everyday.......... even when he is drunk. God loves Sinners

Hippie Church

Well today was a blessing, we went to Hippie Church today and had a total BLAST!!!!! The spirit was so filled that my son was crying (it was his 31st birthday today) there was lots of people there and good food and dancing! Then we followed it up with a spirtualist meeting here at my house. All in all a great day!


I am still battling my feelings that I have abandoned Rick, but he won't seem to give up. He is hitchhiking here to prove that he loves me..... He was actually at a truckers church when he called me today. I pray for him constantly.. but the ball is in his field now.

The Truth and Nothing But the Truth

Ok this is hard to talk about, but I have kept my life out there in the open and I can't stop now. Alot of this blog has been about Rick and his addiction and my belief that love should always win out and beat the "demons"......I give up. I can't do it anymore. Love isn't enough. My wedding band says Love Never Falls

On our wedding day we had stopped at a motel in Waco Tx for a rest, and at Midnight there was a pounding at the door saying that it was the cops...... and they wanted ME!!!!!! Said that I had a hot check and they were taking me in, I haven't even had a checking acct in 5 years! I figured this was a case of a stupid mistake and I told Rick to believe and it would all be ok...... as the police took me I gave Rick my last $900, the car, and all of my computers and possessions....... I had to prove to him that I trusted him and needed to lean on him for awhile. I mean he has leaned on me for 2 years. He had been sober for awhile and we were truely happy... so why not prove that I trusted him?

I guess he felt abandoned again...... went thru all of my money in 6 days and ended up in jail! I was released, but had nothing (which is what I have had since I met him)........ he got out of jail yesterday in Weatherford and could not even stay sober enough to ride a bus to Austin..... he has beat the beer but four lokos has wreaked our world. I am so sick of watching someone I love kill themselves.I have to think of me from here on out. My friend said that he was talking to Sue last night and she was begging him to go back to Vegas...you know the place that he lives on a rock, does not bathe, does not eat and no one would notice if he died?

Dear Creator allow me to let him go, make me strong enough not to care that he starves, not to think of him doing without common needs. I know in my heart that he will die and I am the only one that will mourn him.... but I have to walk away from him to save myself and my family. I feel so selfish but I am done, he is too damaged.

I feel that God put me in jail that night to stop me from ruining my life and I believe that God loves Rick, but he keeps choosing the wrong path. When I awakend I knew that if I did not change I had no chance, Rick won't realize this.

Four locko equals 5 redbulls and 4 shots of vodka for $2 it has killed four teens already. please go to youtube.com and google four lokos. I want to start a class action suit for the hell that they have put people thru. On the positive side God loves me and jail was not scary, I came out strong and sure of my ministry. We have our first meeting Sunday! Not all will be saved....but help all you can

Many Blessings

Unconditional LOVE

A dear friend of mine responeded something to me yesterday on Facebook, and I didn't understand...... but then she said she read this blog. Well sometimes I forget that my 4000 readers aday aren't just faceless strangers....but friends and family. so I guess I have a responsibilty to keep this thing up.

First let me say up front, I have set a path to live my life thru unconditional love. I love with no rules, no limitations. That is how I open my eyes every single day.

I know most are curious about the Rick thing..... we are together. He came back to work off the money that he stole from me. Funny thing we have loved each other for nearly 2 years.... but have just fallen in love. He is making my house a home.... his guilt over hurting the one person that stood by him almost destroyed him. Funny thing is the money don't mean a thing to me.

We have taken in 2 more homeless guys that are bringing a new joy each day to our hearts. Adopt a homeless person and save a life........ all it cost is extra food at your table, alittle extra utilities...... and a few tears. Because they did not wake up one day and say I want to be homeless.

Tommorrow they will be at the labor ready and have food in their bellies. Ricks mom won't send his birth certificate for him to get a job, but we are going to spend the 60 we can't afford and get it. We are getting married 10/10/10 so will need it anyway.... Yes I said we are getting married. Because we know that every breath we take each day is because of the other one stood by them in all the bad times in the last 2 years. The bad times that turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to either of us.

I mean think of it
lost my home
lost my business
lost my family (for a time)
got poisoned
went insane
went to jail
lived on a rock
............................
found my faith
fell in love with God
looked at my family in a new light
found the love of my life.... a love not built on money or sex (we don't have either)

Not a bad last 2 years huh? My you tube vides are going to include our life here soon. Remember God has a plan That is why you watch and read.

Many Blessings and MUCH LOVE

MY New House

oh my heck I love my new house!!!!!!! Thank you Mom!!!!!! It is like I have recieved my life back! I love you so much Mom for giving me a second chance!

I will post pictures soon...... we have done sooo much. House is a baby mansion that was destroyed by past teneants.

I have split for good with rick...... he stole $500 from me while I slept. i am so tired of taking care of a man that hates himself so much

Rick is in the Hospital

will update soon..........

Family Visits

My son Jeremy and his daughter came for a visit this weekend..... Izzy (granddaughter) is growing so fast. Rick is at church with them this morning..... as you most all know I am not religious, just spiritual.....but if going to church soothes the soul I am all for it. The neighbors even came over for dinner last night. Rick played the guitar and sang..... he has really mellowed out lately. All the hate has just seeped out of him...... he seemes to stay at peace with himself. But being with my family all the time really makes him want his more and that makes me sad. We are getting married finally on 10/10/10 at Lake Travis

Cellular memories and DNA activation

Life is GOOD

i must say that life has been pretty nice lately...... no we don't have a home yet! but soon......... my mom is trying to help us get an RV.... that may take awhile but that is ok. We are staying out in the country right now helping a friend who lost his wife a couple of weeks ago. He has 5 acres and Rick is doing the whole yard with a push mower! Heheheheheheheh what a sweaty mess.

I know your all dying to know if Rick is still falling off the wagon.... truth is.... I was right all the time. His is NOT a drinking issue it was a past issue. He had to learn to let go of the past and live in the NOW. Where we are right now there is a ton of Alcohol and not ONCE has he gotten drunk. We sit and have a couple of beers at night and go to bed. He tells everyone that Texas is the best thing that ever happened to him...... but we all know that I am the best thing that ever happened to him. hehehehehehe I knew that if I stood by him and loved him unconditionally he would eventually trust a woman. he is still alittle leary... but on the right track.

Jeremy is heading out here to work on some stuff with Rick, they seem to get along very well........ my two little bad boys.

Just a note to EVERYONE that reads my blog each and every post........ we do love you ALL and it is time for past injuries to heal. Life is short, Love is precious, and Families are FOREVER!

Many Blessings
Me and The Evil One

Good Morning and Many Blessings

I realized that I have focused so much on Rick this last year that alot of what I am doing is getting swept under the rug and that isn't what this blog is about. This has been a year and half of so much change for me.

Finished up school, at harmony with my family, making a living again... I feel truely blessed. No we aren't back in our mansion, and maybe we won't ever be.... I really don't care. This has been a year of sacrifice, had to give up things I loved for their own good..... the old me would have drug them along for the ride. Thank God that I get pictures and visits.

My daughter got into the Masters program! My grandbabies are all doing well, my son needs to finish his journeyman, and my other son is about to go back to school at 30..... I am a very proud Mom!

What an Awesome Weekend!!!!!

Billy and Tammy brought Jacob to Austin, He is growing so fast... they stayed Thursday-Sunday. Then Sunday, Richard and I went to HH..... I slept like a baby last night....... pure happiness.

New Territory for My Understanding.... INCEST

As you know I am branching out to new fields of study, and Rick has put this new one in my face........ I can't say that I could ever understand incest........ but I feel that trying to understand and love a damaged person you need to study and learn all you can about what damaged them.

He is still having a few fall backs but nothing like when we first met over a year ago. I think that he just has too much time on his hands.... if I ever get an investor and we can devote time to building the business I think that will get his mind off of the past. You see you have to face your fears and your guilts to heal.... but dwelling on them just festers and eventually explodes. He has showed no aggression to me for quite awhile now..... in the manner that he has done in the past. His family is still a huge trigger for him .... and I pray that he will heal eventually. I know that he loves them, and I actually believe that they love him too..... but ALL of them live in the past verses moving towards the future.

My son has had a huge struggle to stay good and I know that I could never give up on him.

Many Blessings

Hypnotherapy

We have decided to put Rick under hypnotherapy, to pull out all of those inner demons that he hidden under many layers of pain. From all I can tell his anger and pain are rooted in his childhood....... we must pull out the "boogieman" that created these inner demons. He is remembering alot on his own........ but I think that the hypnotherapy will bring out everything.

I am intrigued with what causes a personality to fragment like his has........ what a case study and I am so glad that I can do it publiclly.

Revelation is Good for Your Soul..... But bad for OTHERS

kinda worried about Ricks Blog, he has read mine and sees it as a good way to vent..... My fear is that it is also a good way to HURT. Rick is still that little boy (his Ricky personality) that young gangster (his Tricky personality) and the 46yo man (Rick) that is struggling to overcome the other 2 personalities.

You see he sees no holds barred in all of this........ why he left home so early, the homosexual demon that took advantage of him in his youth (that is the struggle with his sexuality) His guilts over the crimes that he commited.

We can't move forward and hold onto guilts and fears as I have stated many times.... but if he vents out like he plans on it can ruin alot of lives in the bargin.... not that most of these people desearve a break for what they created... it is the innocent other generations that worry me.

On the good side, his need to vent is showing that he is healing!

Ricks Blog

Rick has decided to started his own blog on what made him get to the place that he has gotten to and the rough lonely road that lead him there. The name of his blog is Truth the url is rickstruth.blogger.com Enjoy! and Many Blessings

Hospital

bye for awhile

Pic

Here is a pic of me and rick to show that he is doing great....... he said his mom hates me soooooo bad that if he came back to me ......... he was kicked out of the will......... hmmmmmm do we care? We love each other and all the people on Earth........ we made it without money and will do fine without her money (inhierted)

Rick........ is here

Well I havent been blogging for awhile because I have been too busy with my new practise......... things are going amazing here in Austin and I must say I am the happiest I have ever been...... and did I mention that Rick is here from Las Vegas? He looks great and I am getting him into the hypnotherapy course that I took, and the Reiki Healing (since he can already heal so well) Just goes to show that faith moves mountains.

Many Blesssings and May God Bless

Compassion

Since the computer age people have lost touch with each other as humans I think, My Dear friend in Las Vegas called me last night and said he was so miserable that he was going to cut his wrist. You see this is a 65 yo man that has lived on the streets in Las Vegas for 2 years, I have been there on those streets.... it is hot and unwelcomeing....... many days of no food or a place to clean up. He told me last night that his socks were sticking to his legs and it was tearing his skin. He can't even get his Social security started because he has no id and no home..... How does a humanity get to that?

Rick is out there too and that was what he was like when I met him, dirty, thin, disorenited......... what is it that draws me to these lost little souls? Compassion and empathy..... simple soul components. So where along the way did so many people lose those components?

Gods love to his children was always unconditional, and thank God my family loves unconditional. I feel so bad and I want Drew here with me so I can wrap my arms around him and tell him it is going to be ok. I don't have much, but I bet I can get us a weekly motel room to share and he will be out of the weather.

Many Blessings

Back In Vegas

Rick called today and he is back in Vegas, he said that as soon as he got there he wanted to be back here, where people smile and say hi. and he was still sober!!!!!! ohhhhh my god that meant alot to me. So where does that leave me? I can't travel at this time to go get him, but I really want him home. I need a non-transferable ticket or something before the evilness of that town grabs him up.

Hmmmmmmm Forgot

Rick called out of the blue night before last, he is still here in Texas or so he says...... Says he still loves me. Who knows. I know that he is my other half and he was sober when he called, but like I said "Who Knows"

All I know is that I have 2 more months to keep my emotions in check and to stay harmonious with my universe..... would he be a plus or a minus? Maybe he is getting his awakening at this time apart too.

I do know that he is one of the few people that I have met that understands the 333 and 11:11 connection......so he is much further along than most.

Well I got to get ready for school and then work.......soooo Many Blessings

On the Good Side

My mom is walking again!!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! She is still grumpy at times but she looks great. I am hoping to get to see her and my sister soon, it is just so hot right now.

Today

Well it has been a bad day, I don't feel well... I am broke (until my pell grant comes in) even my youtube sessions went bad. How do you get positive energies on days like today..hehehehehehe. But I will put it all together by tomorrow.... I think I did too much today.
Many Grumpy Blessings
Carla Holland-Strange

What a weekend!

Many Blessings all. This was an exceptional weekend. I went to Hippie Hollow Fri. to get some sun and I met the most delightful man, He stirred me like I had forgotten exsisted between a man and a woman...... raw, pure sensuality....... I mean I preach it, but haven't truly felt it in along time. But that wasn't the best part, he was on a spiritual level to mine, and wonderfully open. He took me to the biker rally Sat and we had a great time there too..... so I am red and tired today. Tummy was hurting pretty bad this morning but it has eased up quiet a bit.

I finished my hypnotherapy, and reiki....... now studying Distant Healing. Shame Rick fell to the roadside he was an amazing healer. I still believe all the prayer and meditation that my sister and I did around Moms illness is what made her come back. I am a firm believer in energy healing.

Many Blessings

Well it is raining here and that is a very blue time (I love the sun) School is going good so far, finally passed my hypnotherapy course. We have been sunning alot, so I am tanning abit.

God I am Huge

 

On a Bus

Well Ricks family would not help him while he was in jail.....but they sent him enough to get drunk and get on a greyhound back to Vegas..... hehehehehe
Where he has an ACTIVE warrant.

I give up, this constant upheaval is not good for me or Jacob. I prayed and prayed over this I think this is for the best. I changed my number, I graduate Monday, so I think I am going to start my practice in Austin. I have another course that I am wanting to take but can't afford it right now.

My mom is doing great, she looks 10 years younger. starting to walk and her hip is totally healed. thank God for miracles huh? Plus she is staying positive and we all know that a positive attiude causes a healing effect.

Oh My God............. A Miracle! Rick

Rickk is on his way here.... sober after being alone for 6 days!! He had lost my number and luckily he found my friends in Weatherford and they put him up....... guess he isnt like his family after all!!!!!!!!! IN your face Lisa.... your horrid brother stayed good without someone watching him!

My Path as a Light Worker

Lately I realized that my life path is as a LightWorker Life Coach, The transition that I have made in my life is amazing. who would have thought that at 48 yo my life would have done such a drastic turn around and I thank my God everyday for that. Oh it has been humbling, don't get me wrong........but very rewarding.

And if you look at my facebook people are drawing to me in droves and I can't keep up with all the questions of Gods Plans for us in 2012. 2012 is a rebirth of our world and there are a few people that were called as lightworkers.

The way I got verification that all of this is true is through 333 and 11:11, do you notice these things? If you do then God has a plan for you and I am here to help you get there. You see 2012 is so close, the ones that have not opened their eyes and their hearts will be lost (or rather be reincarenated again) Because you were too blind to see.

Let me explain a few signs to look for to show that you may have started the transitional path to awakening.

Do you wake up between 2am and 4am alot?
When you lay down and close your eyes do you feel that your mind is racing?
Have you changed your attitudes alot lately around race, sexuality, religions?
Are you having to face your dfears head on and deal with past guilts?

Contact me if you need a life coach to help with your transition, it is a scary time and no your not going crazy.

Many Blessings
Carla Holland-Strange
702-496-3627
member of LightWorkers.org
Texas and Nevada

Rick Got Out

and did not even let me know......hehehehehe I guess he really does have that selfish streak from his genes. Oh well i am heading back to Vegas, I only left there to give him a chance.

I am speaking at 2 events in Vegas next month so I might as well just stay thru the Summer.

Many Blessings

Who I have Become

I am a 49 yo Ordained Minister that has been in all aspects of the adult business, from stripper, escort, porn actress, porn producer. I love my God and rejoice in him everyday. I also know that God loves me and led me thru the adult businesses to make a difference NOW.

Don't get me wrong just because I fell in love with God and spirituality does not mean that I am ashamed of my past. In fact I believe that it was a wonderful profession with lots of wonderful people! I love my porn friends, my escort friends and my producer friends. Most are just doing a job and should not be judged. Remember the Golden Rule People.

Thru the year of transition to this awakening, I could not figure out if I was suppose to leave my adult world behind to follow Gods teachings or was I suppose to stay the Carla that he sought out..........

I am Carla, I love and accept ALL People, All faiths, All races, All Sexualities and ALL Life Choices!

Jesus best friend was a hooker .........remember?

Many Blessings
Rev. Carla Holland-Strange

I must be doing something right watch how many people are following me on here

Todays Update

Well I went to see Rick yesterday, he looked excellent and says that when he gets out he will keep not smoking so that is a biggie for me. I went there to get his friend in Oregons info so that I could beg him for help, since Ricks family does not want to help and he came up with the same old tired "tough love" saying. LOL you have to love someone to practice tough love. and how can you even get close to knowing what that person needs when you haven't bothered to know him in years.... none of these people know Rick.......... heck I don't know him. Longest I saw him sober was 3 weeks till he got shot down by that evil email from his family. I am going to post that on here as soon as he gets out of jail, so you all can see the venom that was spewed. Enough Venom to know him right back to the ground.

As far as my Ministry is going, I have been called to do some talks..... one is even in Las Veegas! I just hate leaving when Rick is so close to getting out on PR bond.... but if it benefits my ministry I may have to. My minister here said that Rick can stay with him and his family. But we will see where everything is going by then. I may bring him with me, but I hate for him to go back to Vegas and Cali untill he is completely healed and over his anger and resentment.

Anger, Hate, Guilt and Fears are your stumbling blocks on this earth. Each of these you have to address to move to the next level of balance. Sure I still get angry, but I blow it up and vent it out. I am like a dog with a bone when I know in my heart that it is a wrong done. As you can tell about Live Oak Resort, Sue and Ricks family.......
Many Blessings

WE Need Donations

As most of you know I have gone thru major changes in the last few years since you adopted your wonderful pets from me. And I know for a fact that the one major gift that I have is amazing dogs. I have left my old life in Vegas behind and started a Non-Profit called Morning Star, we hope to open the middle of June if all goes well with the grants that we applied for.

Morning Star is a spiritual retreat for recovery and life changes...... but I am also incorporating my beautiful gifts ..... my dogs. I am breeding and training seeing eyes dogs, specializing in Macular Degeneration, and Therapy dogs for the elderly.......... I mean what a wonderful combination spiritually healing and having the wonderful gift of a dog while you do it.

After my dogs are trained, they will be donated to the Texas School For the Blind, and separate handlers in different areas of the country. When God bulldozed me he did it hard if you can't tell. I need help getting donations and I know for a fact that each of you are blessed in that area. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. My number is 702-496-3627, and if you don't want to or can't help ...... please know that the prayers are just as important to me.

--

Rev.Carla Holland-Strange
Earthgoddesscarla.blogspot.com
Church of the Fallen Angels
paypal donations to earthgoddesscarla@gmail.com

Donations

we are needing donations to get this ministry and retreat on its feet people!!!!! I have my non-profit now so everything is totally tax deductable!!!!!! soooo give what ya can! Our main retreats will be
Desiree Alliance
Victims of Domestic Violence
Gay and Lesbian
Homeless Job Fairs
Couple 2gether
....................................
I feel that these retreats will be amazing fellowshipping and accepting. But I need your help!!!!!! Since Rick is still on vacation. Plus I need our fans to call Parker County DA and ask why a man is sitting in jail for a crime that someone else confessed to. Richard John Digiacomo .... it is hard doing all of this alone.

Money Was NOT the Issue Lisa

the evil email that sent Rick over the edge is the issue Lisa, I still do not believe that your mother wrote that letter to him. It was pure evil and screamed an angry sibling rather than a mother that wants the BEST for her son. Do you not realize yet that Rick loves you? He got giddy one day because he talked to you on the phone and you did not yell at him. He is a GOOD man with behavioral problems that began during his childhood...... hmmmmmmmmm. All we want is him home and working with the ministry, all he wants is a relationship with his family, your mother can handle her own with her son.......... but you seem to always feel the need to step between. Your a mother right? Would you want someone to step between you and your child? even if it their sibling? I think not. She said that you had taken her control away and in that you also put her as a person that is not able to think for themselves. I do believe you love her with all of your heart, but deny your brother the same right is totally wrong. don't you believe that if your Mom was truely sick and close to death that she would need the closure with all of her children in the end times? My thick head never changes its mind, I will fight for Rick to the end....... he is sitting in jail for something he is not guilty of and you are leaving him there. All that breeds is contempt and contempt will always bear a dark heart.

rick is doing good by the way, as if you cared. gosh I hope your children never bear hate to each other. it is a horrid thing. I am going to post this to my blog so that things do not get turned around in the wording.

Many Blessings

--

Rev.Carla Holland-Strange
Earthgoddesscarla.blogspot.com
Church of the Fallen Angels

Love and Accetance

Now here is my dillema, I am in small town hometown of mine.... but my heart is not going to bend. As you know I am starting the retreat soon and I live by the love and acceptance rule I love everyone! Well as most of you know I have worked hard to cross many barriers in the last few years and the main one has been sexuality. I am not gay, but most of my friends are either gay, ts, tv, or any other type that does not fall into the "norm"...... small town hometown is closed to opening up and trusting an outsider and that includes the few gay and ts that I have met here...... isnt that a trip that the people I show the most love to rejects me? hehehehehehehe oh well............ God said no one had to accept my love, just that I had to give it.

Many Blessings
Rev. Carla Holland-Strange

Roller Coaster Ride

Man it has been an adventure in the last year and a half..... a guy from Word Press has been watching my blog and is interested in my writing a book on this crazy year of transition. I must admit my whole life has been a wild journey that was never boring nor even simple.........but very rewarding.

You must realize where I have been in my life and follow very carefully
Abandoned daughter of non-caring father---------->Class geek nerd--------->married to early to older man that used me for punching bag--------->stripper-------> drug dealer------- Saved/Baptised----> Mormon Stake Missionary-----> Hooker----->married dog breeder------>dying hooker------porn star-----porn producer----> ordained spiritual minister

Now can you beat that with a stick????? hehehehehehehehe Hell I would read it

and Oh My Heck wait till you hear about the people I have met!

Update on Rick, Retreat and Me

Well things have been great and very sad lately, so I am still counting my Blessings that God is still doing the steering in my life, even though I do not understand most of the time.

I went to see rick the other day and he looks great...... he is still confused of why he is in jail and all the others aren't when for the First time in his life he did not commit a crime. I begged his family to help me, but as usual his sister Lisa stays in control of his mom. Still can't understand the selfishness that sprouts out of them. but it gives me a huge idea of why Rick is so screwed up. It is so much easier for a family to work things out rather than be so controling. He thinks that is all about inheritence, hell if he wanted to be evil after all of this he could tie things up for years in the courts. I would not blame him abit if he did. because even if a child is disinherited he can contest for years and tie the rest of the family up too.

I filed my non-profit today and I got a hard money guy that is getting 50% of what I need to open......... so that still leaves me with about 400K to get in donations and grants. God put this amazing place right in front of my eyes and I know that it is the home that Rick and I will grow old in. He is eligible for a PR bond in about a month, so I guess we are going to ride this out together. He knows that I am the only person that never gives up on him.........

I post this to my facebook page each time I blog so thanks to the 6000 regular readers and my 5 subscribers. I am so sorry that I don't get to post very often, but I post when I need too.

Carla Holland-Strange
702-496-3627

A Mothers Love

I want to send out a special note to my Mom and My Sister Kaye...... I love you both so very much. I know this has been a weird and crummy time this year and I feel that we weathered the storm pretty well as a family. I am sorry for the bad times, thankful for the good times and I believe it is the strength of our family and the mutual love that got mom thru her near death.

It breaks my heart when I see families that pull apart rather than bond together when times are tough.
Much Love and Many Blessings

Donations for the New Ministry

Hello all, My name is Carla Holland-Strange..... I am a newly ordained Minister (August 2009) and I am trying to start a Non-Denominational Spiritual Retreat here in Mineral Wells....... We are also having prayer and assembly meetings. This is meetings for the bad boy types that don't feel that they fit into the "normal" Church type faith. I really don't care if you drink, smoke, or whatever as long as you love God and need a place to share that LOVE. You see I am an EX druggie, Pornstar and this year has brought me to a deep knowledge of Gods Love, not his judgement. All faiths will be welcome to use our retreat (pre-booking required) We are needing donations to get this up and going! Garage Sale Items, furnishings, and of course money!

Don't let your sins and guilts keep you out of Assembly....... feel free to call me 702-496-3627

--

Rev.Carla Holland-Strange
Earthgoddesscarla.blogspot.com
Church of the Fallen Angels
702-496-3627

Begging not Asking

Dear Friends


I am BEGGING not asking..... for a favor. I have asked many times since I became homeless and not gotten a responce from most people that claim to care soooooo much about me. Words are cheap! Actions Speak ............. I am BEGGING for not only myself but others like me. People that got in a bad spot, lost everything and still survived. Now I have over 6000 people on my mailing list and I am ready to put this to the test. I found a property that I can buy.... it is 5 acres, within walking distance to many jobs........... it is also a place that after I get in will pay for itself (only $379,000)

I want to make a place for homeless to get a fresh start........ jobs are plentiful here. I don't really care if all of you know that I have been down and out this year........ your misconceptions are that I am that Vegas HotShot with all the great friends and huge connections. Well those great Vegas friends drove by me as I stood on the corner of Sahara and Jones homeless and hungry. The real Carla Michele Holland-Strange is a country girl with a country girl heart. I love the old fashioned things like true friendships, passionate love, home cooking, and charity that comes from the heart......... and above all eles the Golden Rule.

Thru the years I opened my home and heart to many of you, never asking anything in return.................. now I am asking that you give a gift of love back............. my paypal address is earthgoddesscarla@gmail.com ...... after this I will see who is a true friend.

Much Love and Many Blessings
Carla Holland-Strange
702-496-3627

My Testimony to God

My name is Carla, I have gone thru most of what you have gone thru right now............ since I recieved my calling I have lost everything... I am now homeless after living in a mansion. I watched your show this morning and I am trying to ask God for my reward.........but most times I feel beaten down.

You see I was a well known Porn Producer and Actress that woke up one day and realized that God had called me to service.... I walked away that day to serve God......but lost every material possession I owned while doing it.

since being called, I have lost even my childrens baby pictures and photo albums........ lived on a rock, in the back of a truck and even in AA meetings (when I am not a drunk) I have discovered the joy of helping people that had even less than me... being there for them when no one else would, and even forgiving those that openly attacked me. Don't think that I am looking for Sainthood, because I know that isn't me. I had the opportunity today to go back to my old life and do a video today.... and put a roof over my head. But I can't do that either. God has shown me too much of the light to go back into the dark. If you take anything at all with you from my testimony please take this one thing.......... when times look dim....when you feel totally alone....... close your eyes RAISE your face to the sun, breathe the sweet air and tell God I love you unconditionally........... like he does you. You will feel the calm, tranquil love that he has to share. You will realize that you are not alone.......... the things that make your life hard make you strong! Many Blessings Carla Holland-Strange

Hmmmmmmm 2012

What if the prophesies of 2012 are true? I totally believe that it will be here and judgement will rain down..... it will be the rebirth of the world.

When does the crap stop?

I try so hard every single minute of my day, to be positive, to be energizing good, but it never ends.

This has been the worst year of my life and I keep saying that it is all to make me a better and stronger person......... I am calling bullshit.

In one one/half year I have lost EVERYTHING and seen evil that is laying under the layers of "normal" people.

All I have in this world is my dogs, everything else has been lost to me in this year. I have begged for help from my friends for little things.... nothing much at all...... I asked Sharon to visit Rick in jail ( a twenty minute task at best) because I did not have the money to drive there and let him know that he needed to let the cops know the Whole situation at that drug house...... Sharon of course and as usual refused one minute of help to me. Not remembering all the times I drove 2 hours to see if she had finally overdosed on her prescribed meds. she even texted me that I have a blackheart and that I needed to beg Jesus to save me.

You know what people hate about me most? I see them in the real light.... I see past all the surface glitz to the core beneath. That is why I stick by Rick so hard, I have seen him taking care of the homeless, I have him seen him beg (when he hates that) to help a friend of ours eat....... I have seen him share his homeless camp with others that he hated to keep shelter over their head during Nov. and Dec.
then on the other side what I see from the so called normal people.. is nasty, sick, and selfish at best.

The 2 women that he admires most spit on him in his need..... what a joke. I will be so glad when they get to stand in front of God during judgement..... but enough about Rick. I am learning to turn things over to God.... even when I am so pissed at him (and yes I get pissed at God)

I know that I can't take too much more.... it is suppose to be only as much as you can handle...... but I beg to differ.

My mom is doing great, I think she likes the nursing home..... I am going to do a movie night there today! We have been staying very active there. The doctors gave her no chance to live and now we are chasing her around the facility. All are saying that she is a miracle in the flesh.....that is what prayer will do for you.

My Pupose in Life Test

Find Your Passion and Purpose Test. Summary of Your Answers Thank you for taking this test. Now one last thing remains.

This page contains your answers to the questions along with comments. Go through everything and analyze each of your answers to enhance your self-awareness regarding your passion and purpose in life. Take notes if necessary and reflect on what you read. Your passion and purpose are not written here in a single sentence, but is captured in everything below. Only you can know what your passion is.

What are you naturally curious about?
spirituality

Comments:
Your answer to this question gives you an indication what are the different topics where your passion may lie. You may find here clues about a suitable profession for you or a field you want to work on. Often what we naturally do we enjoy the most.

What would you change about the world?
racial, sexual hate, judgemental people

Comments:
What makes you angry the most shows you in a way what you care about the most, what is close to your heart. It is unlikely that you are emotionally strongly moved by something you are not even slightly passionate about.

What would you love to do or accomplish before you die?
find my twin soul, see my grandchildren again, make peace with my father, tell everyone how much my god means to me, go on a cruise, have a home again

Comments:
The things you listed as answers not only give you an idea of your goals, but also your values - what is important to you and how you would like to live your life. See if you can spot any themes in your things to do list.

What would you do if could not fail?
spread Gods love to EVERYONE

Comments:
This question helped you to think without limitations. There is a good chance you wrote here things that you really want to do.

What would you do if you would not be limited by money?
saving doomed marriages, helping the homeless, better senior care, andmaking a garden of eden

Comments:
Similar to the last one, the question removed barriers from your thinking and brought out your inner desires. Remember that you might be able to earn money following your passion too.

What would you like to hear at your funeral?
I want to know that I touched lives and made a difference..... that I left a better place from knowing me.

Comments:
Your answer shows you what you value and how you would like to live your life, what is truly important to you.

What are the things you currently enjoy doing?
dancing, making love, laughing, amusement parks, playing with my dogs

Comments:
Very straightforward - your passion may lie in one of those activities.

What were the activities or tasks you were doing when you felt most empowered?
working........ i love to work. I love to see all that I can achieve

Comments:
When you are passionate about some project or assignment, you feel energized, you don't get tired and you feel excited. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed yourself to be. If you felt something like this when doing the tasks you listed, this might be it or at least you're close.

What would you most like to be acknowledged for so far in your life?
My children

Comments:
You only take pride in things that matter to you. The question is if these things matter you the most?

If you had only one wish, what would it be?
to be loved

Comments:
Now that you gave it some thought, try to think of at least 5 more people for whom you could make a wish, include strangers. After you've done this for a little while, see what trends you see. This will be at least very close to your purpose.

Whose life do you want to be living?
mine, but not homeless......... I love who I am

Comments:
If you did pick anyone, why did you choose these people? There is something about their achievements, lifestyle or other aspects of life that you find desirable. That's a hint.

What ideas are you most inspired by?
the end of homelessness, animal cruelty, child and elder abuse...... and religions that judge

Comments:
If there is an idea that really inspires you, that could very well be your purpose.

With whom would you like to surround myself?
free spirited, non-judgemental, people from all backgrounds and wealth

Comments:
You become who you drink coffee with. The kind of people you want to have around you tells you what kind of a person you want to be.

Do you take responsibility for what is happening to you?
No...... I feel that I was thrust into this by a divine force

Comments:
Only you can change your future and create the life you want to live, noone else. If you blame others and shift the responsibility away from you, you are looking for answers in a wrong place. If you said yes, congratulations.

Now that you have gone through this exercise, answered all the questions and read the answers once again - do you see patterns in your answers? Identify what are the common themes in your answers and you will find your passion and purpose in life.

We hope you gained new insights about yourself and we would love to know what you think.

Note: If you move away from this page, you will lose the results. You might want to copy the results and paste them to a document.

Multifaceted

I don't think many of you understand who and what I really am, you see someone in the adult business and that is pretty much all you see....... but there is so very many more facets of who I am.

I grew up in small town Mineral Wells TX as the school geek named Carla Michele Holland, My mom was a 16 single mom and my dad ran as fast as he could.... to later raise and LOVE many other kids. ..... this fueled my single parent concerns. I was red headed, freckled face and as popular as a rock.

Then I grew up into a girl that fantazied about the romantic first love, the amazing marriage......... the pureness. It does not always happen that way, I married a man 9 yo than me had 2 sons, 4 miscarriages and not one orgasm....... that last 3 years till I caught him with my best friend.



Then I started revolving around the adult world and I found my nich...... but before that I had worked as a waitress, library aide, curb and gutter, roofer and beaten wife.

I found a true calling in the adult world as a "housemother" at the clubs rather than as a dancer (though I am an excellent dancer) I was a great housemother because I truely cared about the girls....I kept them safe. I believe that is the Mother Spirit in me.

I started escorting to bring in better money to raise the kids, by then I had 3.... I never had a pimp ever!!!!!! But the girls still would call me to help them and keep them safe........ I went into great detail that no one should do this unless it was a calling a true love of what you were doing and not to support addictions or men. I then married a wonderful man that raised my children and loved them as his own.

Same with my Adult Video Carreer as a talent agent, it isn't meant for everyone. Only get into videos if you know that the future is way past tomorrow...... your film carreer will follow you!

Now I am so rapped up in God and charity that I can't even support myself financially, but without this love of God I don't think I would have been strong enough to get thru this last year! My birthday is May 2nd, and this time last year I had lost everything including my pets and was put in jail for Domestic Violence.....what a way to spend your birthday! I did not know it at that time, but that was the begining of my transition to my awakening to the pure love of Gods Spirit....... I finally have that pure love that I dreamed of as a child.

I will start my ministry even if I am broke, I will help the homeless, the hungry, the sex workers, the drug addicts, the drunks EVERY chance I get and I will do it unconditionally........ Pure love is Unconditional.

Many Blessings
Rev.Carla Holland-Strange
and proud to finally feel that I desearved that in front of my name

I Misspell things because I get carried away

heheheheheheheh not because I cant spell....

My Heartbreak

Ricks MugShot

Spiritually Drained and Emotionaly Bankrupt

Sitting here crying my eyes out.... I just can't do this anymore. Trying to stay positive when my world is total shit is finally getting to me. The dogs chewed up the car and ate my good ear ring today while I was in church...... I beg a friend to go see Rick and tell him that I loved him and she wouldnt take time out her day for it...... I give up. I am taking my dogs to the shelter tomorrow and going back to Vegas. All I wanted here was a home and a business that Rick and I could make a future with and help people along the way.

People tell me that it is Satan that makes these stumbling blocks and hardships..... I really don't care because my God has not been there to catch me when I fall.... Yes he keeps food in my mouth everyday, but that is it.


except for my sister and my mom Rick and I have had no one to turn to (thanks goes to my family) but they live on SSI and Retirement... and I can't stand being a burden to them. I am even collecting cans to buy my gas and dogfood. but if I go back to Vegas and escorting then at least I won't be a burden on them anymore.

Keep Your fingers crossed

My group bought tickets for the Powerball tonight and if we won I would recieve $700,000.!!!!!!!

I already have it planned out on what I would spend it all on too!

$225,000 for the Westphalia Country Store ... to be used as a meeting and fellowshiping hall for my Ministry......... with meetings on Sat instead of Sunday. I mean having fun is the main part of my ministry....and also used as a rest/bar to support itself and the other projects.

$200,000 for the place in Rosebud to start a youth center... that is why the kids stay in trouble here!

$100,000 for the Cougarland Apts...... to open "Fresh Start" for my homeless friends in Vegas........ a place where the homeless have 2 months free rent to get on their feet and get a job... there are alot of factory jobs here.

$10,000 for 3 old rv's to be fixed up and used in the ministry... we got to get out there and meet people.

$2500 to get my son Jeremy out of jail and pay off his child support .... I will make him pay it all back

$3000 to get Rick out of jail..... thankful that he will stay on paper till he levels out again..... he needs to learn that his worth is not dependent on his mothers love (that just isn't going to happen)

............................................................................

God Loves us all.... and Love, Forgiveness, and Pure Acceptence is the ONLY thing that will bring you to the light.

My mother just made it out of a 0% chance of life and now she is sitting up BITCHING..... Praise God

I am posting a ton of pix on my ministry page if any of you want to see them

Rick is In Jail

After I let Rick out, he went back to the drug dealers and was arrested for manufactureing and selling meth...... just because he was in the house! I have been trying to get him out, but I don't have 5 dollars much less $5000. between the hospital and running to check on rick everyday my health is running very weak. Doctor is talking bed rest and i don't see how I can do that, since I am still homeless...... how do you go from living in an 8 bedroom estate (doing wrong) to staying homeless doing right? I mean where is the incentive to do right in there? I do have 2 talk show gigs coming up and I am going to air all the dirty laundry, so that will make me feel better I am sure.

Exile Not Excile

Okkkkkkkk Everyone I can't edit the misspelling!!!! so live with it heheheheheheheeh

My Mom

 

Throwing Children to the Wolves.. long one

I haven't written in a long time because I had to cool down before I wrote anything to stay objective........ alot has gone on and none has been positive. This is 3 different stories that have merged and all are the horrble damages that adults can do to children.......and yes I even mean adult children.

First of course is Rick, the most damaged I have ever seen.... he had been doing amazing since he got here to Texas... not getting drunk, looking for work, showing compassion and love for his humankind......... then his momma struck it all down with ONE self esteem lowering email.
here is the emailed business plan that we sent to 50 people:
store, restaurant, bar, all appliances, antiques, utensils, decorations, signs, pool tables, pianos, shuffle boards, soda fountains, and assorted business office machines and security system -$200,000 giving free title to all properties.

house and 1 acre adjoining business $25,000 + $25,000 (to complete remodeling of the house) = $50,000

oil to disel conversion center and all equipment $10,000

stock, business licensing, and advertising $25,000
...................................................................................................
So For an investment of $285,000 we could start a well known and loved ESTABLISHED business in a wonderful family community and have a great starter home close to work.

I can apply for a grant of $250,000 (women and minority grant) but it will take 3 months to acquire and the business would be sold by then..... not to mention this is the beginning of the tourist and high season. The place is recently inspected and totally up to code..... ready to be opened within a week of purchase.

http://theoldstorewestphalia.com
please click on the front doors of the website to explore this wonderful business.

Rick and I have extensive entertaining abilities as well as bar and restaurant management skills. I am an amazing cook, my sister is a baker, Rick can operate and manage staff and all front house responsibilities.... including quality control, hospitality, and general day to day operations. I have owned and made successes out of talent management, and one of the most SUCCESSFUL breeding kennels in the state of Texas. ( as seen on The Today Show, Good Morning America, People Magazine, and The Cover of Life Magazine)

What we can offer back is one of 2 options..... a 30% silent partnership or a 6 month payback of $325,000.

The antiques and collectables in the property can be held as collateral in lieu of payment on this loan.



out of the 50 emails that we sent out, we recieved only one that hurt to the bone... and that was from Ricks Mom....... it talked about his frivolous, stupid plan and how she was dying and all of her money was reserved for her "wants and needs" (WELL YOU CAN TELL SHE IS NOT THINKING OF HER AFTERLIFE.... GOD ISNT FOND OF MEAN AND SELFISH) well as you can guess that threw Rick into the deepend AGAIN..... He is on meth and booze and I had to put him out on the side of the road..... great gift you gave him mom. It amazes me that these "kewl" Moms that encourage and allow their children to get High at home while growing up, (starts the process) Then later years throws the child to the wolves because THEIR GUILT OF ENABLEING kicks in. Well kathy you finally finsihed him off.
....................................................................................

second story: My enabling (that word is such a joke) of my son has really gotten me into a funny mess. As most of you know I will do ANYTHING for my children. Well Jeremy has gotten behind on his child support and with my mom so sick I would do anything to get him out of jail to be with her. Well I heard of this Rich guy here in town that supposidly helped the youth of our little town....... I left him a note at his house begging for help for my son....... he called and asked me to come over to talk about the loan. I don't know if it was because he knew that I was in the adult field and felt that I would understand his sickness or what, but as SOON as I got to his house and sat down to talk...... he hit me with something that shocked me to the bone. He started talking about all of these young girls that he was getting out of jail (his girlfriends) he is 71...... now that pissed me off bad enough, but these are of age girls so nothing I can do...................BUT then he started telling me about his FAVORITE girlfriend 'barbiedoll" a 13 yo child!!!!!!!! I calmly got up and left, because I didn't want him to know how angry I was! He has called me 30 times since then becasue he realized that I am a timebomb waiting to go off in this situation........ here is the text that I sent him

VegasAdultInc [7:42 P.M.]: In case you did not understand what I just said..... my EX husband Raped our 15 yo for her birthday! Then I listen to your nasty old ass talk about your 13 yo "babydoll" Is that why Penny divorced your ass? You need to google me.... I am not one of these bitches from the backwoods that would ever let someone like you dominate me. Look in the adult whos who and see the child pornography companies that I shut down!
Auto response from "mercer" [7:42 P.M.]: Your IM has been sent to my mobile device. When I receive it, I will be able to reply. Thanks for your IM! Want your IMs forwarded to your phone? Click here VegasAdultInc [7:42 P.M.]: got to ask does Bailey know that your such a freak?
VegasAdultInc [7:44 P.M.]: I mean...... what do you tell these people when your bailing out all of these young women? Don't tell me that they don't know that your a freak.
VegasAdultInc [7:45 P.M.]: my friends son fucked a 14 yo and he was 19 and he got a million dollar bail
VegasAdultInc [7:45 P.M.]: largest in waco
VegasAdultInc [7:45 P.M.]: bet yours is gonna be HUGEEEEEEEEE
VegasAdultInc [7:45 P.M.]: you made me more angry with all the calls
VegasAdultInc [7:46 P.M.]: dial 817-663-3405 and ask her how I feel about pedifiles
VegasAdultInc [7:50 P.M.]: All I wanted was a loan, and you put all your shit on my plate........ why? and why are you not in jail?
VegasAdultInc [7:50 P.M.]: Leave me alone and let me calm down
VegasAdultInc [7:51 P.M.]: your constant calls are keeping me fueled
VegasAdultInc [7:51 P.M.]: i kept a call log of all of your calls and all of my text.... plus the MP3 recording at your house.
VegasAdultInc [7:54 P.M.]: you know Bill Parsons? he is an ex cop/firefighter in Marlin......... ask anyone what his son just went thru for the 14 yo! He is my best friend!
VegasAdultInc [7:56 P.M.]: just leave me alone and let me calm down.......
VegasAdultInc [7:57 P.M.]: Do NOT Call me anymore! all your doing is pissing me off................ just wait and see if the cops knock on your door..................................................................................

Third story my momma....... her bowel seperated from her stomach Easter Sunday.... they gave her a 0% cahnce without surgery and a 5% chance with surgery... she is still on a resperator and still in ICU, but she is alive! My mom is a fighter and she has people sitting here praying constantly (thank god she is poor) because we are more interested in keeping her here than spending her money after she is gone. Posotive energy and love will keep you alive longer than all that money you spend to the doctors to extend your life, because in the long run the ONLY thing that will keep you alive is our God and Father an enitiy that loves all of his children, not just the ones that kiss his ass on a daily basis.

Changes and New Directions

Don't think this has been an easy trip.... i think it has been the hardest journey of my life in fact. BUT I also believe that this has been the happiest and most rewarding (even with all my whining) God knows that I hate to whine, but sometimes that is all that will relieve the pain and frustration that the universe dishes you.

My Miracle that is named Rick....... well remember that total selfish, drunk, homeless, violent, guy named Rick? I went to Vegas 3 weeks ago (without a penny to my name) got him out of jail (one of his many drunk tresspass charges) and put him on a Greyhound Bus to Texas (thanks to his AA Buddies for the Bus tickets) we rode that bus for 26 hours and he had not bathed in 2 months! What a stinky trip!!!!!! He nearly got us kicked off the bus, by smuggleing beer on board!!!!!! But we got here..... in the past few weeks I found that I was right... Rick and I were meant to be together even if it is just to help other people. We seem to bring something to the table at every stop in the road..... we saved a bunny last night.

just in this week ..... Rick is working with a great guy out of prison that has been bangin meth and told him that he is on the road to destruction (but more in a prison dumbass way) I have been working with a young mom that wants a fresh start with her kiddos and she has now been clean 3 days...... you have to realize that this is a huge feat for us since we were both druggies. I refuse to use the word addict, because I do not believe in addiction...... I believe in self destruction. People that believe in their worth as humans have no need to self destruct. and only thru love can you get that self worth back. if you get so busy helping people and loving them then you really don't have time for self destruction. I am planning on writing my doctorate on this very subject.

Well we have still been living from one motel to the next and somethimes only $1 to our name, but God Always makes sure that we have a roof and food in our belly. I don't get to blog much cause we don't have a computer.... don't get me wrong Rick wants to work. but he hasn't been able to get his birth certificate or SS Card. and I refuse to let him slip into old ways by begging... he hates me escorting too. but that is how we have to get by right now. I am exhausted all the time from working 7 days aweek, but it will all work out soon I hope.

We want an RV.... I am in such a need of a home and apparently God needs us to travel around Texas abit! I can't give up my dogs again......that would kill me. I have lost too much following Gods signs. Rick knows that I have to cook and feed people to be complete and I know that it hurts him that I can't.

We are in Waco, my mom is in the hospital for the next few days, i worried that she may die (and it would kill me........ I have lost too much time away from her this year) But I prayed last night and God reassured me that I won't be punished for the time that he made me stay away to grow up. She has test this morning so I must run.

Many Blessing to All
Carla Holland-Strange

Time and Environment Heals

Well we have been out of Vegas for nearly a week now... and Rick is doing better each and everyday.... but we do have to get used to each other all over again.... he is someone I don't know when he is sober..... he is very kind and quiet.

I lost my house when I went to Vegas to get Rick, so we have been living in hotels... damn that is killing me. we found another house out in the country, but need $1500 to move in... I pray each day that we won't be in the hotels very long, because I can't show him structure and stability without a home.

Ricks Transitioning to Awakening

This is going to be a long one I think.... Lots more work for Rick than it was for me. He has much more past and many more demons than I ever did. I was blessed with a mother that adored us kiddos and even when we fought she was there for us.

Yesterday was a bitter sweet day, Rick has been sober 4 days and a true delight to be around.... in fact I found myself falling back in love with him watching him help an older lady get her house in order (and he did it so loveingly) But around 3pm yesterday we sat down to take a break and talk. We played around and teased each other about our wierd history........ then it all came crashing down when we began to talk about his past and his anger with his mother. All of a sudden he began to slur his words, mispronounce his words, and aggressively get angrier and angrier! Kathy is his trigger effect!!!!! OMG.... it isn't just the alcohol that I will be battleing! He literally became intoxicated! with pure hurt child and anger! The little boy that Mommy never really loved, he felt that his aunt was more the mother to him than his own mom, in fact he thinks that the perv Sue Kessler is his second Mom! This is just a replay of what I have gone thru about my father never really loving me and always putting me as far out of his life as possible! We can't run from who we are and we can't self punish because we let SOMEONE make us feel unworthy! I dealt with my father finally and forgave him.

Now the transition is painful and manic as it is, but add the little child syndrom to it too and you have a pure nightmare! When I went thru minne it was like a battle between good and evil going thru my whole self being and I had to make the choice! So does Rick......... he is meant for amazing things in the coming of the rebirth in 2012.........BUT he has to grasp it NOW!!!!!!! He needs to forget his Mom completely, or they need to forgive each other NOW, there isnt alot of time left to fix this stuff.

Reading Sylvia Brownes "End of Days" you should too

Hitchhiking Back to Texas

Well I contacted everyone today, trying to get help to getr Rick out of jail and us back to Texas and as usual no one came thru..... So I am going to have to hitch hike back to Texas this afternoon and try to do all of this long distance. I am really not up to all of this, but I know that I will fail Rick and myself if I stay here in Las Vegas, there is a horrid energy here.
guess I will leave my bags here so that I don't have to try and carry them. God please don't let my mom know I am doing this, she will worry herself sick and I don't need an added burden of that too.

Found Rick

Wow, what a journey.... I am sitting happily in Texas one day and in Vegas searching for Rick within 2 days. His friend called and told me that he caught Rick with a syringe and he had beat him up. well it took me 2 days and walked about 15 miles, but I found Rick, he was skinny, dirty, and his face was all tore up. I spent the morning with him trying to get him to g into the hospital before I took him back to Texas and of course he refused......... then that bitch Sue sent him money for more booze, so I walked away! I then went home and begged God for an intervention... guess what? I got it!!!!!!! Rick got arrested......... YEAAAAAAAAAAA.

Now I have to figure out how to get out of here when he is released (and detoxed) I am so broke since I got here.... not one bit of work. I am hanging on by a thread, but I won't leave him behind. My investor is coming to Texas March 21, to look at the ranch that I am trying to buy for the retreat... I rented the house across the street from it so Rick and I can get some practical training from the owner before we (hopefully) take over. I know that once I get him out of this hell on Earth that he will be fine..... in fact I am taking an AA speaker back with us too that will be there for Ricks recovery.

Now I know alot of you don't understand why I never give up on Rick, it is simple..... God never gave up on me and he sent me to Rick. I follow my signs as most of you know..... I know for a fact that Rick is my soul twin, that we have a huge mission ahead of us, and many blessings will come this year. My visions and prayers are always answered..... it would be nice if our families had helped us... but we are strong and will survive no matter what.

I have not told Rick about my little secret yet, he just thinks that I am gaining weight, even though I have lost 6 pounds since I have been here.

Well people pray that my check gets here soon, so I can get us back to Texas before he gets drunk again.......... Much Love and Many Blessings

And Sue Kessler do not call my phone again...... I know that you want Rick to self destruct.... but I am alot more healthy spiritual energy than you.

2012 Visions and Realities

Have you wondered what 2012 will bring to you? If for some reason you are reading this then you will probably be one of the survivors of 2012. The survivors are the ones that God choose to stay here on Earth after the disasters have rebirthed the World......... There are many signs that will show you the way and the truths that you can find on your own. Try numerology I was born may 2nd 1961 and my full name is carla michele holland do a chart on that and see that I am here to state certain truths..... Some will be saved and will be here many years there after. You will be shocked at who all it is..... these will be people that have been fighting illness most of their lives, put others always before themselves and lived a kinda "jaded naughty bad boy life"

Do you wake up everynight between 2am and 4 am? Do you notice 333 or 11:11 alot? Do you have a huge empathy power? Does your heart pound the days of these disasters? I am now teaching and counseling for what is to begin.... already began in fact with Katrina, Haiti, Chilie and soon Hawaii, Vegas and California. God is not doing these things out of hate, but out of desperation to bring his light to his children. Seems that people forget to thank HIM, share love with HIM........ Just My 2 Cents

doing what is right... Live Oak Resort

well I had decided to let things go about Live Oak Resort and just forget it, UNTIL yesterday when I went into the truenudists chatroom and was verbally bullied by someone from the resort. It made me realize that if I let this go it did not affect just me.... But any woman that went there unescorted, she would be totally unprotected! So I called the best lawyer in Ft Worth yesterday and he jumped on the case.... I have an appt today at 2:30 pm. You see I don't care about money anymore now it is much deeper... it is about doing what is right!

My attorney says that we should get at least 5M and I can get it all out in the open about the septic, the credit card padding, all of the accidents and the land scams. Also about the crooked county that keeps letting it all be covered up. And the local newspaper guy that went in and jacked off on a lady while she was sleeping in her tent........ I got ALL of this information from people that actually live at the resort. They are the reason that I never went thru with this..... but I called them last night and they agreed that it all has to come out. I am not scared anymore.

Danyelle

yeahhhhhhhhhh Danyelle is here..... I have been sooooooooo stressed wondering about how small town weatherford would deal with my ts friend.........they are wonderful!!!!!

All about Carla Holland-Strange

I got to thinking that I got into this blog a year ago to make my transistion easier and use this as a venting tool....... Well a friend who is a great author loves it but says that I need to tell you all about who I am, where I have been and what future that I see....... hmmm ok well lets get started.

My name is Carla Michele Holland Strange, I was born May 2 1961, in Brownwood Texas. first child of Sandra Kaye Petty age 16 and Scottie Wayne Holland 16... two idiot children that decided to do a defiance act towards their parents and get married and get pregnant right away..... then split up in 6 weeks.

I was always an overweight and very timid child, scared of my own shadow. In School I was part of the misfits that was made fun of and humiliated about everyday. I was very smart and loved everything about school.... but still did not fit in anywhere.

I married the first man that paid attention to me, a man that was 9 years my elder. A man that loved women, and had to prove his love of women everyday..... wit any woman that would slow down enough for him to fuck. Every single night of my married life was spent crying in frustration..... no orgasm...... no love...... no affection. And the constant knowledge that he was fucking every bar girl and neighbor in our town. For 3 years he fucked around, beat me and forced me into pregnancies that I wasn't ready for. But now in hindsight i have learned to recognise my past and then let it go....... it is a huge weight to carry around. A burden that keeps your fat around you to protect you from other men.

I don't feel like going thru all my hardships to make you understand that what does not kill you truely makes you stronger..... But here is a list to help you understand how lucky I feel today to be alive and very much at peace with myself.

raped twice.. once by my own grandfather
2 strokes
10 pregnancies 7 miscarriages
strangled and left for dead
every man in my life has fucked around on me
I stayed fat to protect myself
was butchered in Costa Rica and left to die
got pancreatitis and ended up in ICU
Ludwig Angina and back in ICU
Poisoned by a dear friend that I let live with me

And guess what? I am happier than I have ever been in my life!!! this year of being homeless and totally lost at times has been a spiritual adventure that I will always treasure and appreciate for making me a strong woman.

Gosh

Well everything is going great here cept for alittle nasuea, working my tail off and getting my life back in gear. I have been studying alot and am cleping alot of the courses for my degree. I will still have to take a couple of courses, I am also stuying the new age atlantis, and the 2012 events. More and more of that all rings true.

Danyelle will be here tomorrow, gosh I am so glad to have a like spirit here. Barry is working on my house and I talk to Darren all the time.... I am sure that we will be together soon...... love my wierd little family.

News........ Good and Bad

Well I knew there was a reason that God forced me back to Texas and now I am glad he did..... my Dad had a heart attack. I know that he has never cared about me, but I am glad that I am here close if this is the end. Everything happens for a reason of this I am sure.

I talked to my darling Marque Black and I think he is coming to help me with the retreats, guess he is still having troublles getting on his feet there in Vegas..... and Danyelle is coming Monday.......YEAHHHHHH all my friends (true ones) are migrating here...... now I need to find Drew and get him here. Hell tawney just spent a week with us and we did not kill each other. We seem t be different people here.

I have realized alot since I have been here.... cream really does float to the top. The friends that stuck are my cream.

Mom and I are totally back to talking to each other every single day and it made me realize how incomplete I felt when I could not tell her that I loved her every single day. anyway enough of the maudlin stuff............... Many Blessings to all!

Being back in Texas

Things are going pretty well here, Tawney is visiting and we are woorking alot....... funny thing is we get along great here and fought all the time in Vegas. Then I have Barry, Steph and my best friend Sharon here in town too.... so I am not alone. There is alot more work for me here than in Vegas, so life is not a struggle here as it was there. My little house is cute (not fancy like my others, but cute) and I can even afford to keep this one on my own. ... plus like I said there is plenty of work here for me. I will have a car by Weds and my son is coming to live with me!

I know alot of you ask me about Rick, I haven't heard from him at all..... he sent me a message that he hates me and never wants to see me again..... oh well. I love him with all my heart, but he was toxic and it nearly dragged me down with him. Jeremy said that Rick is doing great and that he even has a car (which is scary with his drinking) So I guess I was toxic to him too.

I love you all that follows my life and progresses the house number is 817-341-6277

Long Time

Well I swore that I wasn't going to post anymore but found that I had a huge following and all the emails wanting to know what had happened to me.... so here goes.

I am back in Texas and things are pretty good! I just got a house and am waiting to finalize the nudist resort that I always wanted to open. Rick is still in Las Vegas and claims that he hates my guts, but we all know that Rick hates himself. He had detoxed and did amazing until New Years Eve, when he decided to go off on his own and pulled an over nighter....... so I turned the tables on him New Years Day and I got sloppy drunk and embarrassed him in front of people (people never let me do that again please) anyway I told him to go. He was still calling old Sue Kessler for her approval for everything he did.... so maybe the old bitch will support his crazy ass. LOL I know this does not sound like me, but I finally got fed up.

Anyway I am ok, and planning on finishing my degree in the Spring. my number is 817-341-6277 if anyone needs to talk to me. I know that Rick can't get this because he can't figure out the computer well enough.