Feel Like My Hands are Tied

It occurred to me today that I have been begging for 3 years to start a church that no one wants and save children that people would rather drug than help flourish....... I mean I am nothing more than a porn bitch after all. I bet if I sold panties that I don't wear I could get enough to help others. What has become of people that no one cares? Is there no hope for the planet? Maybe 2012 will be destruction rather than rebirth. I know that I am fine. I was promised along time ago that my family and friends would be fine through all of this........ now here is the teaser.... are there any true people that deserve redeemtion?

What if I can prove to you my gifts? Would people finally listen? Well lets try it............in 2 hours lay down, you will start feeling a vibration through your body until it builds into a headache. If I am right then you need to rethink ur views on God and helping

The Truth and Nothing But the Truth

Ok this is hard to talk about, but I have kept my life out there in the open and I can't stop now. Alot of this blog has been about Rick and his addiction and my belief that love should always win out and beat the "demons"......I give up. I can't do it anymore. Love isn't enough. My wedding band says Love Never Falls

On our wedding day we had stopped at a motel in Waco Tx for a rest, and at Midnight there was a pounding at the door saying that it was the cops...... and they wanted ME!!!!!! Said that I had a hot check and they were taking me in, I haven't even had a checking acct in 5 years! I figured this was a case of a stupid mistake and I told Rick to believe and it would all be ok...... as the police took me I gave Rick my last $900, the car, and all of my computers and possessions....... I had to prove to him that I trusted him and needed to lean on him for awhile. I mean he has leaned on me for 2 years. He had been sober for awhile and we were truely happy... so why not prove that I trusted him?

I guess he felt abandoned again...... went thru all of my money in 6 days and ended up in jail! I was released, but had nothing (which is what I have had since I met him)........ he got out of jail yesterday in Weatherford and could not even stay sober enough to ride a bus to Austin..... he has beat the beer but four lokos has wreaked our world. I am so sick of watching someone I love kill themselves.I have to think of me from here on out. My friend said that he was talking to Sue last night and she was begging him to go back to Vegas...you know the place that he lives on a rock, does not bathe, does not eat and no one would notice if he died?

Dear Creator allow me to let him go, make me strong enough not to care that he starves, not to think of him doing without common needs. I know in my heart that he will die and I am the only one that will mourn him.... but I have to walk away from him to save myself and my family. I feel so selfish but I am done, he is too damaged.

I feel that God put me in jail that night to stop me from ruining my life and I believe that God loves Rick, but he keeps choosing the wrong path. When I awakend I knew that if I did not change I had no chance, Rick won't realize this.

Four locko equals 5 redbulls and 4 shots of vodka for $2 it has killed four teens already. please go to youtube.com and google four lokos. I want to start a class action suit for the hell that they have put people thru. On the positive side God loves me and jail was not scary, I came out strong and sure of my ministry. We have our first meeting Sunday! Not all will be saved....but help all you can

Many Blessings

Rick........ is here

Well I havent been blogging for awhile because I have been too busy with my new practise......... things are going amazing here in Austin and I must say I am the happiest I have ever been...... and did I mention that Rick is here from Las Vegas? He looks great and I am getting him into the hypnotherapy course that I took, and the Reiki Healing (since he can already heal so well) Just goes to show that faith moves mountains.

Many Blesssings and May God Bless

Ricks Transitioning to Awakening

This is going to be a long one I think.... Lots more work for Rick than it was for me. He has much more past and many more demons than I ever did. I was blessed with a mother that adored us kiddos and even when we fought she was there for us.

Yesterday was a bitter sweet day, Rick has been sober 4 days and a true delight to be around.... in fact I found myself falling back in love with him watching him help an older lady get her house in order (and he did it so loveingly) But around 3pm yesterday we sat down to take a break and talk. We played around and teased each other about our wierd history........ then it all came crashing down when we began to talk about his past and his anger with his mother. All of a sudden he began to slur his words, mispronounce his words, and aggressively get angrier and angrier! Kathy is his trigger effect!!!!! OMG.... it isn't just the alcohol that I will be battleing! He literally became intoxicated! with pure hurt child and anger! The little boy that Mommy never really loved, he felt that his aunt was more the mother to him than his own mom, in fact he thinks that the perv Sue Kessler is his second Mom! This is just a replay of what I have gone thru about my father never really loving me and always putting me as far out of his life as possible! We can't run from who we are and we can't self punish because we let SOMEONE make us feel unworthy! I dealt with my father finally and forgave him.

Now the transition is painful and manic as it is, but add the little child syndrom to it too and you have a pure nightmare! When I went thru minne it was like a battle between good and evil going thru my whole self being and I had to make the choice! So does Rick......... he is meant for amazing things in the coming of the rebirth in 2012.........BUT he has to grasp it NOW!!!!!!! He needs to forget his Mom completely, or they need to forgive each other NOW, there isnt alot of time left to fix this stuff.

Reading Sylvia Brownes "End of Days" you should too

2012 Visions and Realities

Have you wondered what 2012 will bring to you? If for some reason you are reading this then you will probably be one of the survivors of 2012. The survivors are the ones that God choose to stay here on Earth after the disasters have rebirthed the World......... There are many signs that will show you the way and the truths that you can find on your own. Try numerology I was born may 2nd 1961 and my full name is carla michele holland do a chart on that and see that I am here to state certain truths..... Some will be saved and will be here many years there after. You will be shocked at who all it is..... these will be people that have been fighting illness most of their lives, put others always before themselves and lived a kinda "jaded naughty bad boy life"

Do you wake up everynight between 2am and 4 am? Do you notice 333 or 11:11 alot? Do you have a huge empathy power? Does your heart pound the days of these disasters? I am now teaching and counseling for what is to begin.... already began in fact with Katrina, Haiti, Chilie and soon Hawaii, Vegas and California. God is not doing these things out of hate, but out of desperation to bring his light to his children. Seems that people forget to thank HIM, share love with HIM........ Just My 2 Cents